Corruption and Governance in India Part II >>Democracy, Corruption and Literacy

Democracy, Corruption and Literacy in India.

warning: Its a long post.. read only if the issue interests you.

Now before we go further, let us define “good” governance. Governance is good if the following happen

• Improvement in basic social development indicators like infant mortality rate, longevity, nutrition, literacy , availability of electricity and water,etc.
• Social justice and Low violent crime rates
• Poverty reduction/ growth in per capita GDP.
• Low or zero corruption at all levels

Interestingly , the first three above can co-exist with corruption, though not high levels of corruption.

So when we Indians discovered that chanting WLD dos not work, we started wondering why because according to time honoured Indian tradition chanting is supposed to work ..in fact it is known to have worked miracles in the days gone by. .. and has a lot of support even today. One can see it on various websites, including this one.

So we theorized that democracy has not worked for India because the voters are illiterate and therefore ignorant of the value of their vote and can err in making a choice. There may be something in that argument, or was till 20 years ago. The current (2011) literacy rate in India is 74% with many states showing a higher percentage. In fact the literacy rate on a nation-wide basis has been 50% or above since 1991 which was a good 20 years ago. So do we have people who are literate and still ignorant ? Probably yes, because literacy in India has been defined with a very low standard and data collection on literacy has had errors.

So can we hope for better governance (and less corruption) when people become literate AND are not ignorant ? From empirical evidence , the answer is encouraging but not entirely encouraging. The two states of Kerala and West Bengal have had high literacy and political awareness for quite sometime now. Interestingly both are also high on social development indicators and have low violent crime rates . Both states have also had Communist governments. But they have not shown economic development much above the national average. Both have virtually no organized industry, partly because of the strong trade unions particularly Communist-backed Trade unions.

There is also the fact that in Kerala, many social reforms (especially in education and equality of women) were initiated by the local ruling family before democracy came. It is therefore difficult to isolate the impact of democracy on good governance in Kerala.

But even if we overlook the pre-democracy interventions in Kerala, political awareness working with democracy has managed to improve life / reduce corruption at the basic needs level but has not contributed to economic growth.

The silver lining is that, multiple research studies across Indian states have established a clear relationship between high literacy rates and low corruption (at the level of obtaining basic government services). As can be expected Kerala has the lowest corruption index.

Bengal , however, is somewhere in the middle for corruption rankings. So again there is some missing factor (besides high literacy and awareness) which contributes to lower corruption.

Several things must also be however noted

• Higher literacy has resulted in low corruption for basic services. But higher literacy rates alone might not be able to stop corruption at the Central govt level (like 2G, CWG etc) or even at the state level like the Adarsh scam in Mumbai or Robert Vadra case in Haryana..
• In terms of governance, Delhi is a good (or bad) example . Literacy is high, but governance in Law and Order is very poor. We have seen a spate of rape cases in the last few months.
• Another glaring example .. Bangalore Municipal Corporation . The people who elect corporators are literate and politically aware , but we don’t see much governance happening. Garbage clearance is a major challenge, forget about good roads

So , while I wanted to end this part on an optimistic note, I am back to square one, i e , we have no clue how to stop corruption and improve governance. Higher literacy / awareness might help in basic services, but will not help elsewhere.
Democracy, Corruption and Literacy in India.

Rural washing machines and Urban Haircuts

Rural Washing Machines

Some weeks back, in early October, I drove to Mysore from Bangalore. . Unfortunately it was the day that the farmers in Mandya/ Ramanagar were agitating over the Kaveri water dispute with Tamil Nadu. The Bangalore Mysore road was in-accessible after Ramanagar and the police folk diverted us to a Malavalli to reach Mysore. It took an extra two hours (with a few barricaded points) and some bad roads but we reached in one piece.

The agricultural prosperity of the area around Ramanagara/ Malavalli is amazing. The greenery is breathtaking. No wonder the farmers are so agitated over a reduction in the supply of water for irrigation.

The other thing I noticed as we drove through small hamlets, settlements and villages is that a lot (probably most) of the womenfolk wash clothes by hand. I am sure it takes a considerable amount of time and energy. Wonder why the washing machine guys haven’t reached there? The basic models don’t cost much and if a few families joined together they could afford a washing machine. A social (and marketing) revolution is crying to happen. I even thought of writing a short story on this.

Haircut (W)  Vs Haircut(M)

My haircut used to cost Rs 40/- till a couple of months back and now it is Rs 50/-. The barber I go to is admittedly not high-end, but the place is closeby and it’s clean. In contrast a woman’s haircut in Bangalore costs at least 250/-. I have often wondered why there should be so much difference. Someone mentioned a supply-demand situation is responsible, but there are two reasons why this is not correct. Firstly the demand for women’s haircut in Bangalore or any other city in India is about 10 percent of the demand for men’s haircuts. So the demand cannot be pushing up the cost. Secondly there are no barriers to entry of new players and the investment is not high. So a supply constraint is also not the cause for the price difference.

On more thinking, I came to the conclusion that it is a brand thing. For some reason in India a man’s haircut is considered to be a utility whereas a woman’s haircut is fashion.

Anyone else can shed some light on this? And just for the record, women’s haircuts cost   more (usually twice or more) also in USA, Canada, UK and Switzerland.

A Samosa by any other name

A Samosa by any other name

I love samosas.. and if the accompaniment is chutney and chai.. the combination is unbeatable. I have been eating samosas on and off for at least 40 years, but only recently it struck me that though ubiquitous (and I did not quite know just how ubiquitous) and seemingly simple to make, not everyone can get it right.

The filling  has to be just right in ingredients and quantity. Too much filling and you feel as if you are eating a potato cutlet and if it is  too little, you feel you have been short-changed. The crust has to be made of maida (refined flour) and fried just right. Now I have eaten samosas in Pune, and the Puneites while good at Shrikhand  , can never get the samosa right. They use aatta for the crust.. and that makes it a very poor samosa…or an almost-samosa. And for some reason I am not able to quite fathom, in Pune it is called a Punjabi samosa. Luckily Punjabis are large hearted (and not uptight like Maharashtrians) , and haven’t filed a PIL against the Marathis for insulting them with this prefix “Punjabi” to the almost- samosa.

Further south, In Bangalore, the various Darshinis and Sagars (restaurants that serve South Indian food/ snacks ) also serve samosas. They don’t call it a Punjabi samosa, but they also can’t get it right. The crust is (as in Pune) is done in aatta and the ever present curry leaves are added to the potato masala. Well, this is also an almost-samosa.

Yet there are at least a couple of places I know  that you can get the the genuine article in Bangalore. One is Bhagatram on Comemrcial Street and another is Lakshmi Sweets in Marathahalli. I am sure here are many more. I think what makes the difference is the ethnic origin of the shop owner or cook. I have eaten samosas in Whitehall, London in a  Pakistani eatery, and hey were quite good.

Now thats what brings me to the second part. Where exactly did the word Samosa come from ? The word  does  not quite sound like Hindi / Sanskrit, nor is it Punjabi or any South Indian Language. So I looked up my friend Google Srinivasan. And here is what I was not-so surprised to find.

The word (and therefore the eatable) originated probably in Iran where it is called  sanbosag in Persian It is also seen in other countries : Sambosa in Afghanistan, sanbusak/ sanbusaj in Arab countries, samboosa in Tajikistan, samusa in Burma and sambusa in Horn of Africa (Somalia, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Djibouti).

Samosas have been around for about a 1000 years now. Amir Khusro (1253–1325), a scholar and the royal poet of the Delhi Sultanate, wrote in around 1300 that the princes and nobles enjoyed the "samosa prepared from meat, ghee, onion and so on". Ibn Battuta, the 14th-century traveller and explorer, describes a meal at the court of Muhammad bin Tughluq where the samushak or sambusak, a small pie stuffed with minced meat, almonds, pistachio, walnuts and spices, was served before the third course, of pulao..

 It is only in India , that the samosa is for the most part a vegetarian snack. Elsewhere it is usually filled with mince lamb or beef.

How not to be horn-i in Bangalore

How not to be horn-i in Bangalore

Please forgive me for using the “h” word, but I couldn’t get the right one. Horn-i here means a driver who frequently uses the vehicle horn, mostly without any positive or useful effect. This having been clarified, henceforth the word will be spelt “horni”.

A fictional study conducted by a reputed automobile association has come up with some rather startling facts. It has been found  that in Bangalore, yellow-plate passenger vehicles (cabs, sumos/ qualis, mini-buses etc) on an average give a 16 percent higher mileage than other vehicles. And if it is used for call–centres / BPO companies, the figure goes further up to 18 percent. When I read this report, the engineer in me was intrigued.

So what is going on? How does one improve fuel efficiency? Well the bad news is that you can’t get higher mileage just by changing the colour of the number plate to yellow. You have to be seriously horni to get there. Here is how it works. As a result of continuous horni-ing, an envelope of charged particles is created around the front of the vehicle. This is a low-pressure area. So the air from the rear of the vehicle pushes the vehicle forward. Of course by this time the driver has created a further envelope in the front. This natural-assist is what reduces fuel-consumption. All of this of course requires skill.

And just how horni can you get? There are a number of places you can go to learn the art and science of being horni. Mostly these are places that are run as offshoots of driving schools. We met up with one of the people running a school. He was one Mr. Honkerappa from Assholenarsipura Horni Driving School. He said that to really do a good job at being horni, you have to take at least 40 hours of instruction. He did however offer some tips. Here they are

• Well, the driver must know precisely when to be horni. Some recommended situations are: at traffic lights when there is no space for any other vehicle to move an inch forward or to the side;
• For added saving, being horni a split second after the traffic signal changes from red to green is highly recommended. Never mind the fact that you are sixth in line and it will be a full minute before the other vehicles in front of you move. Just be horni and see the performance go up.
• You must also recognize when someone else is being horni and hogging all the action. Never allow the vehicle in front of you to have an empty space in front of his vehicle. For the natural-assist to work, the space in front of YOUR vehicle must be empty. So be horni with all your might.

We also asked him if there was any special equipment or car accessory that was recommended. He suggested model PITA from M/s Balasubramanian Horn Company of Coimbatore. It’s a huge hit already with all call centre vehicles in Bangalore. You cant miss its strident / rude sound on Bangalore roads. It endows the driver with a rudeness quotient far beyond his biological limits. And its been proven to improve horniness. Interestingly, the advertising tagline of the company is “You can’t be seriously horni if you don’t have Bals”

Finally, are there any side effects or can one be horni all the time? Well occasionally you may come across a driver who takes offence at the rudeness. He may actually gun you down. It has been reported in the US of A. Then of course you can’t be horni around hospitals and schools. In my own case, I have a special sound–activated switch in my car. If someone is being too horni, the switch kicks in and my car remains stalled in front of the horni driver for 5 minutes. By which time he has lost it.

Recommended Reading:

• Medico Legal Issues in Horni Driving by Mr. Balasubramanian, Coimbatore.
• First Aid on the Road published by Bangalore Call centre Drivers’ Association
• If you are Horni, don’t do it from the backseat… Anonymous

Pressing to impress- the Iron in my soul.

Pressing to impress- the Iron in my soul.

This post has been partly inspired by a line in one of PG Wodehouse’s Bertie Wooster novels. One of Bertie’s friends is wooing a woman, and Wodehouse says “it was difficult for him to iron his trousers even as he was pressing his suit.”

I like to wear my trousers (even denim jeans) neatly ironed. Neatly meaning, that there should be no wrinkles AND the crease should be sharp, forward looking and firm. And for perfection, there should be just one crease. Not even the hint of a second one. Prima facie this should not be a problem and in fact was NOT problem till a combination of 3 separate and important global events happened in the last few years. Just goes to show, in a manner of speaking, how a single sneeze in Bangalore’s Murugesh pallya can trigger global warming. Read on…

The first was the coming of the current fashion of “flat front” in pants. Now many men who dare to wear flat-fronts, have their own fronts about as flat as a well inflated football. Since I DO have a flat tummy (or no tummy) , the flat-fronts trend suits me to a T(rouser), and I am quite grateful to the blokes who brought in this trend. But this has not been an unmixed blessing. For some reason, known only to the same fashion designer blokes and trouser manufacturers, flat fronts are sold without a factory-ironed crease. Not only are they flat at the waist, they are flat (i e without an ironed crease) all the way down. This I don’t like, and so when I buy a new trouser I make sure I get a crease ironed in ASAP.

Had the matter ended there, life would have been happy and wrinkle-free. But no, it was not to be. I soon found that most flat-fronts cannot ever be properly ironed with a regular front crease. If you try to match the seams at the trouser cuff and put in a crease, there will be ugly wrinkles at the hip. If you make the hip wrinkle-less, the seams at the cuff will be poles apart and u get a crease that’s looking sideways as if in suspicion. While battling with this major problem of modern day living I was lucky enough to bump into someone from the garment industry. I asked him why it was so difficult to put in a proper crease in readymade flat fronts when in the olden ages of pleated pants and neighbourhood darzi’s it was all so simple. The neighborhood darzi’s trousers never once presented this problem to humanity. He looked furtively around and made sure no one could overhear what he was now going to tell me. Then in a whisper and a smile reserved only for fellow conspirators, he let the cat out of the bag. I quote him. One of the major challenges in garment manufacturing has always been to use a 2 dimensional material (fabric) and turn it into an article that will be used to cover a 3 dimensional object (people). In modern design, we work out this solution using computer aided engineering. The result is a flat front that fits perfectly when worn , but isn’t easy to iron. This also , in addition, optimizes fabric use. And then , with a wink , he added. This is also the reason why designers prefer female models who are nearly 2 dimensional. Its easier for the computer to find the solutions when the surfaces involved are flat !

Wellllll… I was speechless…..and of course crease-less as well.

And , now the third global event. Only in this case it is a person. Its Venky the laundry-wala . Like his many fellow tradesmen in Bangalore and other Indian large cities, he inhabits the basement / car park of the apartment block that I live in. He works hard all day and parties harder starting early evening. His wife in fact works harder and doesn’t party. (laundry-wala’s are always hard “pressed’” for time !! ) . Not for him the trivial problems of a crease in a flat front trouser. He picks up the thing with all the care of a blacksmith, lays it flat as fast as he can, and then with a resigned spiritual serenity slides his 10 kilo coal-burning iron over it . And if the seams don’t match at the cuff or the creases in the two legs look as if they have had a major disagreement , so be it. A single pass is all that your Gap or Colour Plus pants merit from Aruna, and no worry if the crease he has just made, has been newly created to keep company with the three already created previously by him. He could not have been less than an Arjun in a previous life. So I now have several flat front trousers that have multiple and squabbling creases. (The “iron” has entered my soul. I think I will strangle Venky this weekend).Or perhaps, 'press' his throat) 

So that’s it. There is no punch line. But I am reminded of a line that my older brother used to say when I was in my teens. For heavy dates I used to carefully iron my own trousers. (Heavy date meant watching more than one girl from a distance of less than 50 feet. Please note the words in bold.) My brother would say “Press, press no impress !!” . Well , to give the devil his dude, he was always more successful than me. He got nearer than 25 feet several times. And once he ACTUALLY talked to 2 girls.

Please excuse me, now. I now have pressing matters at hand. Venky has just brought in a mangled flat front and I have no choice but to put in a new crease myself.

Whats in a name ?

Whats in a name ?

Sometime back I was on a teleconference with an Indian colleague named Dipak at one end and a British colleague (Ian) and me at the other. Ian addressed Deepak as Di-pack.. like six-pack. At the end of the call, I told Ian the correct way to pronounce the name. Ian said that in that case why was the spelling not Deepuck instead of being Dipak ? I guess he had a point.

This is also the case with the English spelling of many Indian names. While , as Indians we correctly pronounce Indian names spelt in English, foreigners who don’t have an extensive knowledge of India , go by their own rules. There was a recent humorous case in the Cricket World Cup (which India won) where a British commentator kept on referring to Pandey as Pandi.

Consider Manmohan as a name. The instinctive British / US pronunciation would be say the first part as Man (as in man/ woman) the “mo” as in go, and “han” as in ban or tan. So a better spelling would probably be Munmohun.

Can anyone do a respelling for Venkata Subramanyam ?

By the way, the Hindi to English translation on google: for मनमोहन (Manmohan) the English translation came as PM !!!

My green is greener than yours I am a law abiding, tax paying eco-conscious Indian. I don’t jump traffic signals, indulge in robbery, murder or rioting, I pay my taxes, I don’t litter and so on. And at home and work I switch off electrical appliances/ lighting that are not needed, minimize the use of plastic packaging etc. but something happened recently that set me thinking about the behaviour of well-meaning citizens like me.

About 3 months ago, Supermarkets and stores in Bangalore started charging for carry-bags, between INR 2 and 5 depending on the size. Since they were earlier free , no one bothered to carry their own re-usable bags. But now suddenly I see about 50 percent shoppers carrying reusable bags (including me most of the time). What does this tell me about myself and others like me ? That we all need a little prodding to be better citizens ?

Does god exist ?

This is one of the older and common-er issues, nevertheless an interesting one. So let me set the ball rolling. I am not here to ask anyone to change their beliefs. I would feel happy if we could all share our thoughts in a calm non-judgemental debate.

I do not believe that god exists. Now why do I say that ? Two points ;

1. First, for the purpose of this discussion, we should precisely define god. For anything/ anyone to qualify as god, there are a few conditions that must be met
a. Must be all knowing and ever present
b. Must be all powerful
c. Must be beneficial to mankind / other forms of life.

I hope most of us are agreed on this definition.

2. So if god exists and satisfies the conditions above, why do we see millions of people killed in natural disasters ? Genocides ? Could it be that he is not all powerful and could not stop the disasters..? Well then he cannot be acclaimed god. Could it be that he COULD stop but chooses not to. Then again he cannot be acclaimed god (point c above). Some believer friends of mine have told me that there is a larger meaning to creation and god that we cannot comprehend. And that the deaths of innocents are a part of this larger scheme (shades of the Bhagvad Geeta). So god chooses to "observe" in silence the deaths of innocents, for he has a design in it that we humans do not understand.

To my rather simple mind, it looks like if god cant prevent anything bad from happening, and if he is not all powerful and beneficial, why do we need him at all? It’s like the story of frogs and King Log/ King Stork.

And finally...in the newspaper some months ago, I read this little news item. A 10 year old mentally retarded girl was raped by three men, somewhere in North india. Now I do hope that my believer friends are not going to tell me that this too is a part of the grand design of god (which we humans don’t understand).

To sum up this little train of thought, I believe that god does not exist chiefly because there is no evidence that he ever does anything that should cause people to believe in him in the first place. I think compared to god, George Bush may be a better choice, instead.

More on this in a future piece,

How not to be horni in Bangalore

Please forgive me for using the “h” word, but I couldn’t get the right one. Horn_i here means a driver who frequently uses the vehicle horn, mostly without any positive or useful effect. This having been clarified, henceforth the word will be spelt “horni”.

A fictional study conducted by a reputed automobile association has come up with some rather startling facts. It seems that in Bangalore, yellow-plate passenger vehicles (cabs, sumos/ qualis, mini-buses etc) on an average give a 16 percent higher mileage than other vehicles. And if it is used for call –centres / BPO companies, the figure goes further up to 18 percent. When I read this report, the engineer in me was intrigued. S

So what is going on? How does one improve fuel efficiency? Well the bad news is that you can’t get higher mileage just by changing the colour of the number plate to yellow. You have to be seriously horni to get there. Here is how it works. As a result of continuous horni_ing, an envelope of charged particles is created around the front of the vehicle. This is a low-pressure area. So the air from the rear of the vehicle pushes the vehicle forward. Of course by this time the driver has created a further envelope in the front. This natural-assist is what reduces fuel-consumption. All of this of course requires skill.

And just how horni can you get? There are a number of places you can go to learn the art and science of being horni. Mostly these are places that are run as offshoots of driving schools. We met up with one of the people running a school. He was one Mr. Honkerappa from Assholenarsipur Horni Driving School. He said that to really do a good job at being horni, you have to take at least 40 hours of instruction. He did however offer some tips. Here they are

· Well, the driver must know precisely when to be horni. Some recommended situations are: at traffic lights when there is no space for any other vehicle to move an inch forward or to the side; · For added saving, being horni a split second after the traffic signal changes from red to green is highly recommended. Never mind the fact that you are sixth in line and it will be a full minute before the other vehicles in front of you move. Just be horni and see the performance go up.
· You must also recognize when someone else is being horni and hogging all the action. Never allow the vehicle in front of you to have an empty space in front of his vehicle. For the natural-assist to work, the space in front of YOUR vehicle must be empty. So be horni with all your might.

We also asked him if there was any special equipment or car accessory that was recommended. He suggested model PITA from M/s Balasubramanian Horn Company of Coimbatore. It’s a huge hit already with all call centre vehicles in Bangalore. You cant miss its strident / rude sound on Bangalore roads. It endows the driver with a rudeness quotient far beyond his biological limits. And its been proven to improve horniness. Interestingly, the advertising tagline of the company is “You can’t be seriously horni if you don’t have Bals”

Finally, are there any side effects or can one be horni all the time? Well occasionally you may come across a driver who takes offence at the rudeness. He may actually gun you down. It has been reported in the US of A. Then of course you can’t be horni around hospitals and schools. In my own case, I have a special sound–activated switch in my car. If someone is being too horni, the switch kicks in and my car remains stalled in front of the horne?y driver for 5 minutes. By which time he has lost it.

Recommended Reading:
· Medico Legal Issues in Horni Driving by Mr. Balasubramanian, Coimbatore.
· First Aid on the Road published by Bangalore Call centre Drivers’ Association
· If you are Horni, don’t do it from the backseat… Anonymous

Good Reading

Here is a partial list of books and authors that I have enjoyed reading, many of them in the recent past..

o The Mahabharata
o My Experiments with the Truth M K Gandhi. Written in simple 19th century English English. Good insight into the mind of the Mahatma.
o Animal Farm George Orwell. Political concepts simply and brilliantly presented.
o 1984 Aldous Huxley. It was once thought that the world would be as described in this book. That has not happened, but a good book.
o Andha Yug (hindi) Dharam Veer Bharati. The aftermath of the battle of Kurukshetra (from Mahabharat) presented from the loser’s side. o The Importance of Living Lin Yutang. Very entertaining, very different.
o Up at the Villa Somerset Maugham. Short novel (novella) showing the variety in human nature and personalities. Maugham at his succinct best.
o Short Stories by O Henry, Maugham, Guy Maupassant, Roald Dahl, Frederick Forsyth, Jeffery Archer. Sort stories are a special favourite of mine. I think it is the most difficult literary form. This is just a top-of-the-mind list.
o Katha Short stories series. Stories originally written in Indian regional languages, well translated.
o The Naked Ape. Desmond Morris. Mind expanding. Anthropology applied to the modern city dweller.
o The Argumentative Indian Amartya Sen. Gives a new perspective to Indian history and culture.
o Any collection on Indian Mythology and Greek Mythology. o Foundation series Isaac Asimov. Mind Expanding.
o Lord of the Rings JRR Tolkien
o PG Wodehouse
o Art Buchwald. Great humour in short articles. o The Fountain Head Ayn Rand. The easiest to read of her works and a good story.
o Many Lives Many Masters Dr Brian Weiss. Mind expanding , about re-incarnation.
o Your Erroneous Zones Wayne Dyer. Self help book about freeing yourself.
o Illusions Richard Bach. This is the same guy who wrote Jonathan Livingstone Seagull.
o Love Story Eric Segal. A cult book in its time. Good read.
o Merchant of Venice Shakespeare
o Greek Tragedy: Oedipus Rex by Sophocles. This is a series of dramas written more than 2000 years back. In parts has the twists of a bollywood film.
o Greek Comedy : Lysistra by Aristophanes
o Dolls House, Enemy of the people and other plays Henrik Ibsen. Very good plays, simply written. Set in 19th century Europe, but still relevant.
o History of India Romila Thapar/ Percival Spear
o A Brief History of Everything Bill Bryson o James Herriot..writer on Animals
o Poems by Iqbal, Sahir Ludhianvi, Firaq gorakhpuri, kaifi Azmi.
o Madhushala (hindi) Harivansh Rai Bachan

What EXACTLY is money ?

We have all heard this countless times, “Money is not everything”. All right so it is not everything. But it is definitely something. Unfortunately we don’t adequately understand what it is. And this incomplete understanding often comes in the way of making Money and enjoying it.

So what IS Money then? Well, here is one viewpoint.

To begin with, it’s a medium of exchange. When we say that apples cost 60 rupees a kilo and oranges 30, it means that apples are twice as expensive as oranges. Money offers a facility to compare the value of various goods and services. Or if you get paid 10,000/ - rupees a month for working, that is the exchange value for your labour. So far so good. But then what is a rupee? And why should apples be 60 and not 120 (or 10) rupees a kilo? Who decides the price? Now this is a more complex situation.

To say that price is determined by the demand-supply situation is only a part of the answer. The remaining part is that Money also represents a store of value. So we can say that ,at a time and a place, (say today in bangalore) apples have twice as much value as oranges. In other words, at a certain point of time and in a certain place, human society perceives twice as much value in apples as in oranges. The relationship between apples and oranges may be different in another place, say kashmir, where apples will be cheaper than oranges.And the important phrase is the perception of value by society. For in the end, Money represents the perceived value of human effort. This effort can be in terms of manual labour of the person digging holes, or mental labour of the programmer writing code or the acting ability/ effort of a film star.

Some other, not so common, examples of Money representing the perceived value of human effort are

· The value of an artist’s work. Now while you may not like MF Husains style, remember it is the “perceived” value.
· The value of an idea or brand (think of Bill Gates) · High salaries of business managers. Their effort is to manage companies.
· Stock market gains are value for risk-taking effort.
· A car priced 5 lacs represents one year’s salary for someone.

So now, coming back to the apples, if I get paid 60 rupees an hour, I am exchanging one hour of my labour for the apples. Or, to put it another way, when someone steals your Money, or cheats you, what the thief is actually stealing is your effort. If I am paid 10,000/ per month and a thief steals that amount from me, it means that he tricked me into working as a bonded labourer for him for a month.

Money (and wealth) therefore are an indication of the contribution one makes to society. I am talking legal money making here. So that’s what Money is. Now would you like to make a small contribution to society or a big one?

So what are you reading these days ?

I am often asked this question. Now, depending on the season, the cycle of the moon, the state of the economy and a few other reasons. I might not even be reading at all. Sometimes for six months I don’t touch anything more serious than the classifieds that come on Sunday. So I politely reply that I am not reading anything these days. This usually results in a horrified “I-always-thought-he-was-wrong-in-the-head” and “surely-he-is-reaching-senility” look from the questioner. At such moments I cannot help wondering why is it that most educated people (specially the “convented” people, of which I too am one) feel that they are committing a grave crime against themselves if they are not reading anything (these days !).

The fact is as time goes by, I find fewer and fewer books that look interesting enough to read. I now don’t read ANY American fiction. In fact I almost don’t read fiction at all now. I avoid for at least a couple of years all books that win the Booker prize or are hyped about in the media. (I haven’t read God of Small Things: Arundhati Roy, eat your heart out.) And this, after I have in my mis-spent youth, gone through library shelves full of James Hadley Chase, Ian Fleming/ Bond, Ludlum, Alistair MacLean, Sheldon, and you-name-it.

In fact if I had my life all over again, I would never ever read them. Unfortunately we never had the Internet in those days. So one ended up reading trash, without researching or recommendations. I even read Khushwant Singh !! can you beat that for reading trash?

Dustbins and god

What’s common between dustbins and god? You may well ask, what kind of a silly question is that? It indeed is. But all the same it occurred to me one day when I was at work and had come out for a smoke.

Well I work for an IT company, and in keeping with current trends they have eliminated smoking inside the office. I fully endorse this practice. (Now only if the smokers could be eliminated). So they have smoking corners, only sometimes they are not really corners. Smoking spots, lets say. My office has a large open space (a plaza) and that’s where the smoking spots are. There are a few dustbins scattered around. But I notice that the smokers ALMOST NEVER use them to deposit the cigarette butts. The butts are strewn generously everywhere else. Almost as if smokers took special effort to NOT use the dustbins. Now are we smokers such a perverted and irrational lot ? Knowing IT people I am tempted to say yes, they are. But that’s another story.

The point here is that all the dustbins are placed in locations that have a very strong breeze, are exposed to sun and rain and have no place nearby to sit. So I mentioned these things to the Admin people. Why not shift the dustbins closer to where people smoke? Well, I was told they had done it before and one dustbin (or its contents) caught fire. As they say, no smoke-ing without fire.

Now a few lines about the dustbins themselves. There are two types. One is the steel thing in a rectangular shape. The top has a tray with sand/ pebbles to stub out cigarettes and the lower half can be used for dumping used coffee-cups and such things. This is a very American design. The other type is made of plastic/ fibre glass and usually in the shape of an animal cartoon character. Ducks, squirrels, penguins, monkeys, fish. I am sue you must have seen them in public places. This is a wholly Indian innovation. I think they first started appearing some 25 years ago and quickly became an irreversible and abominable part of the urban landscape In India. Look at one closely and you will realize why.

The cartoon animals have the most pained looking expressions. In some cases the animal figure is holding up the dustbin. The way it is positioned, pointing upwards, is too indelicate for me to even mention here.(Hint : its phallic) With the monkey, fish and the penguin the garbage has to be disposed into the mouth of the figure. So much for respect for wildlife. Finally, can we make a guess about a people/ culture by looking at their trash bins and the trash itself ? Well can YOU ? (more on this in a separate piece)

So where does god come in? Dustbins are like god. Useful and ubiquitous, but largely misplaced and neglected.

Meditation Made simple

The MOST important thing to remember is that meditation is NOT some secret, exotic or esoteric knowledge/ technique … one does not have to go to the Himalayas or to California to learn it. It is also useful to know that the meditative state (or trance) signifies a specific level of neuro-cereberal activity. It is called the “alpha” state, and it has been established by western research that the alpha stage is deeply relaxing. Every day when we sleep, we pass through this alpha state involuntarily. In meditation we try and achieve this pro-actively. The normal wakeful state is called the “beta stage”.

The practice of meditation is a series of ordered steps to bring the mind to the alpha state. Electronic devices are available (search the internet and you will find dozens) which can (or at least claim to) produce the same effect, ie, put the mind in an alpha state. Sometimes these products are advertised as bio-feedback products.

Pre-requisites

· At least 2 to 3 hours after waking up. The purpose of meditation is to refresh the mind. The mind should be at least a little tired. It won’t work if the mind is already fresh. · If you walk/exercise in the mornings, meditate AFTER the walk. Similarly Pranayama should be practiced BEFORE meditation. The correct sequence is physical exercise, breathing exercise/ pranyayama and then meditation, ie from the physical to the spiritual.

· Other good times: Just before lunch, in the evening after the work-day is over. · At least an hour after a meal, or on an empty stomach. Tea/ coffee allowed. The setting · In a quiet, darkened room.

· No mobile/ landline phones please.

· Free of mosquitoes and insects.

· Make sure you are not disturbed for 30 minutes. Be dead to the world.

· Loose, comfortable clothing.

*.Sit on the floor on a mat or durrie/ blanket, legs stretched out, small of the back supported against a wall. Hands folded and on your lap. Palms open, right palm over the left. · Head held up, relaxed.

· If its hot/ warm, use the fan or AC. · Don’t have/ schedule an “appointment” or an activity at the end of the session… you will keep thinking of the deadline.

· A typical session should not be more than 30 minutes. But there is no need to use an alarm clock.

The Steps

1. Sit in a quiet darkened room, on the floor as mentioned above. Become as comfortable as possible, so that you don’t have to fidget later.

2. Close eyes and let the mind become calm. Let the breathing be natural. Do not deep breathe. Don’t actively think of anything but DO NOT suppress any thoughts that come..just let them flow.

3. Observe the thoughts themselves in a detached way. Thoughts connected and un-connected will flow through the mind. After a few minutes (upto 10 minutes in the beginning), the thoughts will automatically cease. If some train of thought goes for a long time, repeat your favourite mantra and detach yourself from that thought.( See “Some Aids” below).

4. Sometimes you will realize that you are chasing some particular thought too long. Just do nothing. The mere realization is enough. You will automatically change from chasing to observing.

5. After a few minutes breathing will become very shallow, shoulders will droop and so too the head/ neck.

6. If you feel you are drifting off to sleep, repeat to yourself “aummm..” or any other mantra (I use the English word “One” sometimes) lift your head up, square the shoulders, and get back to business. 7. If nothing happens after 30 minutes of trying, don’t worry. It will happen in the next attempt or in the next few attempts. Don’t tell yourself ‘I must meditate” Some aids: · Count backwards.. Start at 100… when you reach zero.. start all over again. All through this thoughts may continue.. just observe. Counting back engages the mind and thus keeps other thoughts away. · Music: A number of cassettes are available, and they work. I have tried Ganga Chants (Times music), Sacred Chants of the Buddha (Times Music). Any soft flowing music. Volume not too loud. Preferably with ear-phones. · Observe your breath.. See how it comes out of the nostrils when you exhale, how you inhale. The purpose of all these “aids” is to stop the mind from chasing thoughts. In other systems people think of a flame, concentrate on the fore-head, chant a mantra. All of them are good also and effective methods.

How do you know you are there? One or more of the following experiences · Numbness in arms and hands, palms, sole of the feet, back of upper-arms. · Numbness in cheeks · The mind “floats”, zings. · There is a sensation that the body is floating upwards. Sometimes that the body is sinking. · You are only vaguely aware of the room and surroundings. This is the meditative trance. Each “trance” may last up to five minutes. Then you are back to normal and become aware of the room / surroundings. If you keep still and follow the “observing thoughts” scheme, you get back into a trance. For beginners three such trances may be the maximum. After a time, you will be very alert and you will instinctively know that the session is over. Keep still, eyes closed. Gradually increase the depth of breathing. Lift the head up. Move arms / shoulders and rub them to restore circulation. Rub your face with palms and slowly open eyes.

The Great Sexs ratio debacle

This piece is from my experience on another site.This afternoon I used the browse button and confirmed what I had long suspected.

Under India > Women looking for men > Karnataka , the total number of profiles is 573. Under India > men looking for women > Karnataka , the number is more than 30,000. That’s about as bad as gender ratios can be imbalanced. One woman for every 70 men.

Now what this means is that on an average a woman on the site receives so many messages that she doesn’t know which ones to respond to. The average for a woman in the 40’s seems to be 10 per day. Compare this with 2 that I receive every three months !! Now, is there a way for men to get more responses ? I asked one of my women friends from IFF, how she had selected to reply to me from the million other hopefuls. Her answer: the educational qualification I had used was un-usual. Not too much of an ego-boost for me, that.

Any other mantras for success ? Well, if I knew, would I be writing blogs, or would I be meeting all those interesting “broad minded” profiles!! Needless to say, if there is anyone out there who has developed a “system” and is willing to share, I would be most grateful.

The Great Sexs ratio debacle

This piece is from my experience on another site.This afternoon I used the browse button and confirmed what I had long suspected.

Under India > Women looking for men > Karnataka , the total number of profiles is 573. Under India > men looking for women > Karnataka , the number is more than 30,000. That’s about as bad as gender ratios can be imbalanced. One woman for every 70 men.

Now what this means is that on an average a woman on the site receives so many messages that she doesn’t know which ones to respond to. The average for a woman in the 40’s seems to be 10 per day. Compare this with 2 that I receive every three months !! Now, is there a way for men to get more responses ? I asked one of my women friends from IFF, how she had selected to reply to me from the million other hopefuls. Her answer: the educational qualification I had used was un-usual. Not too much of an ego-boost for me, that.

Any other mantras for success ? Well, if I knew, would I be writing blogs, or would I be meeting all those interesting “broad minded” profiles!! Needless to say, if there is anyone out there who has developed a “system” and is willing to share, I would be most grateful.

What are you looking for ?

Of all the questions on chat, the most dreaded and intractable is “What are you looking for ?” It took me sometime to fully understand the question, but in the meanwhile and afterwards, using a combination of luck, logic, style, wit and desperation, I have tried the following answers. The usual likely, and in some cases actual, reactions from the women (who asked the question) are also mentioned in brackets.

· Decent, ever lasting friendship. (Is this guy mad ?or gay? Or impotent? Or all three ?) · Nothing in particular, just looking around. (Well that’s fine, maybe we can chat)

· The meaning of life and everlasting happiness (Well wise guy, you can look on your own and you should be in the Himalayas, not on chat)

· Meaning of life, everlasting happiness, a new pair of shoes and .. ( Haha, this guy has some wit. Might be worth talking to.)

· Looking to get laid (Several different responses here. 1. User logs off /puts you on ignore. 2. Ok, your place or mine? 3. I did not know you were THAT kind of a man) · Wild, passionate, no-holds barred, head banging sex. (Hahaha, surely you are joking)

· I am looking for an investment opportunity in real estate in Bangalore east. Since results were mixed, weighing a bit on the side of negative, I researched a bit and I thought I had come up with some good lines:

· I am looking for a woman who will give me the winning combination of numbers for the next week’s Lotto (Note: It didn’t work. Too many people had to be explained what this meant. Took the zing out.)

· I am not looking for what you think I am looking. But that didn’t work either.

So I sought advice from a friend. And here was some wisdom at last. She said when women ask that question, they are basically slotting you in one of 2 categories. Is he looking just for sex right away or Is he looking for friendship leading to sex. There is no third category. Well she was mostly right, but I still did not have a good answer. So if you have one , or have heard one , please DO send it to me.

And finally, I tried to put on my profile under “Dislikes”: People who want to know what I am looking for. But do you think anyone EVER reads profiles?

Bollywood Nostalgia

One of my favourite activities is channel surfing. Anthropologists tell me that this comes from the time when men constantly scanned their surroundings for suitable prey. My wife tells me that I am crazy. Obviously she doesnt have anthropologists as close friends: anyway.. back to surfing.

One evening, while surfing, I chanced upon the dying moments of the old bollywood film Waqt (Balraj Sahni, Rajkumar, Sunil Dutt and Shashi Kapoor). It is a courtroom scene. Sunil Dutt , playing a lawyer is hamming it like hamming was going out of fashion. His piece-de-resistance has been conceived by the script-writer with an expectation of winning several awards. It consists of demonstrating that if u drag a dead man you are not likely to get your shoes soaked in blood. Hercule Poirot, Sherlock Holmes , Miss Marple and their ilk are turning over in their collective and fictional graves. The scene is delivered with all the finesse of a wrestling match and (assumed) brilliance which only Punjabi directors (in this case Yash Chopra) in bollywood can manage without feeling guilty. (did I hear someone gnashing their teeth ?).

The atmosphere is thick with urdu-persian dialog (is case ke’ saare’ gawahon aur bayanaat ko madde’ nazar rakhte huey ..Etc etc) . I think they used to secretly keep ready-made dialogue in bollywood so that anyone who wanted court-room dialogue would not have to take too much trouble in writing it all over again. A good example of community working.

The point is I have seen the movie in a theatre, and twice again on TV and I know the whodunit , the denouement. And yet I keep watching. Sunil Dutt (looking young). Shashi kapoor almost adolescent, grinning like a toothpaste advert. Sharmila Tagore looks barely out of her teens, complete with her trademark hairdo. This is not a movie that I am seeing. It is a slice of my own life that is replaying. In spite of the cliché’d lines and melodrama, there is , an innocence in the scenes. I keep watching as the drama unfolds in the last few scenes. It is revealed to the audience AND the actors that Sunil Duttt, Rajkumar and Shashi are long lost brothers. The moment is full of poignancy. I have lived though it thrice before, but my eyes are still wet.

Rating: Two and a and a half stars for direction/ story / acting. Four for nostalgia.

Size 36 ?

Have you ever noticed how men’s pants come only in even numbered waist-inch sizes ? So you have a 34 and a 36 but no 35. My waist size is 35 and I am forever struggling between 34 and 36. The 36 size pants are too baggy and loose and one has to wear a belt. But that bunches up the waist band and it doesn’t look quite neat. Also, there is no point in sweating it out at the gym if one has to wear baggy pants. The 34, as can be expected are a trifle tight. I always have the nagging fear that they will tear at the wrong moment. Also this size is also tight on the butt and the seam of the innerwear gets displayed rather publicly. Plus I feel like an ageing and unfit Bollywood or Tamil hero, desperately trying to keep the tummy in check by wearing a tight trouser.

But the point is, do Indian ready-made garment manufacturers expect men to grow (or shrink) in jumps of 2 inches ? Hey, what do u know, when I slept last night my waist size was 34 and this morning its 36. Yippee !! There is always of course the option of having the waist ‘altered’, but then the fit never comes right. And it’s no longer a readymade, right? So whats the way out for “odd” people like me. In the US of A (where else, but) they have sizes like 35 and 37, but I travel there once in 10 years, so that’s not a practical option.

What works for me though is something rather interesting and maybe uniquely Indian. Not all 34 ‘s are 34. Some are almost 35. (And not all 36’s are 36 ,some are more silicone !!). I am not joking, Try out a few different brands and you soon find that each manufacturer uses the size almost as a product differentiation feature. Sometimes the variations can be within the same brand.

So it takes a bit of time and struggling in cramped trial rooms with half a dozen pants , but I usually get a pair that fits. (Ever wonder why its called a trial room ? Well try four trousers one after the other, and you will notice what a trial it is). End-piece: Once in the USA I tried a size 36 and was floating in it. Then I tried 34 and it was still too loose. Moral of the story : in the USA , I am a smaller man !!

Is it for real.. ?

This one is a bit abstract. It’s written not so much to share what I know, but more to clarify my own thinking and comments are very welcome The question is what is reality? Is it subjective ? Is there anything like objective reality?

For many years a flat earth with the sun revolving around it was “objective’ reality, till someone turned it into an objective falsehood. Closer in time was the objective reality that time was a constant and then along came Einstein and he destroyed that idea.

But even if we look at a more day-to-day level, the picture can be quite confusing. We often say, lets look at this objectively. The idea is to “see” and express reality without a personal view point. One could say 2 plus 2 = 4 is an objective reality. Or a cube has six identical square surfaces and eight equal straight edges. Or that the colours in the USA flag are white, blue and red. Now indulge my foolishness and fancy a bit, and let me take this thinking to an extreme.

What we are actually saying is that everyone who is human will perceive the cube or the colours similarly. But what if cows had the ability to communicate with us? Now we know that cows can’t distinguish between red and brown. So when a cow saw the US flag would its reality of colours be the same as ours ? And where would that put “objective” reality. Then again, the eye structure of cows is different from those of humans. It is reasonable to assume that cows don’t ‘see” shapes , lines and surfaces in same way as humans. So is the reality of a cube still “objective” ?

In summary, when we talk of objective reality, we are talking about identical perception by intelligent organisms with identical sensory apparatus. So , in a sense, reality is dependent on the sensory apparatus of the subject, and thus all reality is only subjective. It is estimated that the known universe has at least a million planets capable of supporting intelligent life of the human variety. But is it necessary that their eye structure will be identical to ours on earth ? Very unlikely, and that is a big setback for “objective” reality. Is this article leading anywhere. Possibly not , at least not for now.

Mallika Sherawat and the tyranny of taste

The title of the piece comes out rather like “Harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone” etc, but I couldn’t think of a better one. Ms Sherawat actually used that phrase, to my surprise, in an episode of Coffee with Karan. I am writing this because I admire her. I am sure most readers don’t need an introduction to Ms S. In my own case I had heard of her and her famous assets in the media but did not yet recognise her by face. Till one day while watching the Pepsi snake-wala advert (SRK plays Mr Been, snake charmer) , I asked someone who the girl was and was told it was none other than Ms S.

I still haven’t seen her epoch-making and debut(?) movies Murder and Khwahish. In fact I have seen only one movie of hers, “Pyaar Ke Side Effects”. I guess just like many starlets and successful heroines, she must have been compelled to realize early, that in Bollywood, unless you came with a famous second name, the only way for a woman to get ahead was to smooch and bare her body on screen. And she did that, with some success. But that’s where the twist comes in. Once she became successful and sought after, she did not once apologise about baring her skin or smooching. She said it like it was, and all credit to her.

Not for her the coy, cringing response that is almost a stock phrase for many young newcomers (famous second names included) “I will bare if the scene demands it.” And the scene always seems to demand it, even if the woman is playing an office clerk. Then I saw her on some show, perhaps The Big Fight on NDTV. As was expected, the anchor took a dig at her baring her way to the top (or topless). While she was understandably a bit tense, but the brave lass, stood her ground and never once made an excuse. I have seen only one of her movies, and that’s Pyaar ke Side Effects. She did a very competent job there.

But it was while watching the Coffee with Karan show that I heard her use the phrase “the tyranny of taste” and I was truly impressed. I am not an anglophile, but I think its better to be an educated Sherawat than an uneducated bimbette even if you have a famous second name. And so it came to me as no surprise that Ms S is a graduate of the well known college Miranda House in Delhi. Two famous alumni are film-maker Mira Nair and political activist Brinda Karat. May the force be with you, Ms S !!