Milk and maids

Milk and maids
When I first set up house after getting married, the white revolution had not yet happened in India. It was not easy to get a good milk-supply. We lived in Pune and someone mentioned a college that also ran a dairy and supplied good milk. I spent a day getting “registered’’, buying coupons and so on. 

The milkman came early each morning and rang the bell. And I heaved myself out of bed all groggy to take the milk packets and give him the coupons. Depending on the season, the milkman came in anytime from 5 to 6.30 in the morning. So on many mornings I and my wife lay awake since 4.30 too scared to go back to sleep lest we miss the guy. And so it went on till I mentioned this to a friend. He had a good laugh and said the solution was very simple. All we had to do was to hang a bag or basket outside and leave the coupon in it. Imagine, something so simple and it had missed us. Of course the milkman himself never mentioned it to us , though he must have been working with it in many other homes. Anyway we were finally able to sleep better. Though one of the things I was always curious and regretful about was, what if the college had employed Smita Patil to deliver milk and I had been missing seeing her every morning. So one day to set the matter to rest, I intentionally did not hang the bag.

We followed this hang-a-bag thing for many years since then. And every few months I would check out if the milk was being delivered by Aishwarya Rai or Sushmita Sen or Kareena Kapoor and so on. Of course it wasn’t. But as Mirza Ghalib said “Humko maloom hai jannat ki haqueekat lekin, dil behalaane ke liye Ghalib yeh khayaal achhaa hai” (I know paradise does not exist, but tis a good hope to live with)

But we have now switched to tetrapak milk pouches . It can be kept for long. Does not need boiling before use. One doesn’t have the hassle of accounting for coupons. If you are expecting guests you don’t have to go through the trouble of informing the milkman a couple of days in advance. The quality is good. And finally, there is never any doubt about who is delivering it.

Ageing with dis-Grace.. India: A 5000 year old civilisation

Ageing with dis-Grace.. India: A 5000 year old civilisation
This idea has been knocking around in my head for sometime now. There was a time in the 60’s and 70’s when only the Jansangh (predecessor to the BJP) leaders used to proclaim the greatness of India by constant reference to the past. I guess they had nothing else to counter Nehru’s forward looking rational “western” outlook. But nowadays its not only the BJP/ VHP and their ideological brethren, but people from all kinds of political and non-political backgrounds who keep mentioning and praising India as a 5000 year old civilization. Sometimes one even hears foreign publications and authors using this concept...(and this of course delights us Indians to no end)

Now, we certainly have a 5000 year old history. But the question in my mind is, does that make us a 5000 year old civilization ? In my opinion, NO. I must add that if I were to pride myself on being a member of a 5000 year old civilization, I would think it was an unbroken 5000 years of cultural and social development. Now my specific problem comes with the word “unbroken”

I look at this issue with 2 view points. The historical/ chronological and the empirical.

Historical: The Indus Valley Civilization (IVC), which “makes” us a 5000 year old civilization, certainly existed in 3000 BC, but how much did it contribute to its follower the Vedic civilization? Now I haven’t done a great amount of googling on this, but I know a few things

•   Historians are not clear how the IVC dwindled. Was it the rivers shifting course ? Or were they massacred and obliterated almost completely by the invading central Asian “Aryans” who then laid the foundation of the Vedic culture? Or some other reason? In any of these cases, is it logical to assume that a people who disappeared so mysteriously and so completely would leave a major influence on the next culture that came along? What I am trying to say is that if a culture disappeared so anonymously, their impact on the succeeding culture would have to be negligible. So we have a break in cultural lineage,
• Do we see any influence of the ICV in our day to day life, as we see the influence of Vedic culture? Again the answer is no. An example I always remember from school is that the IVC had under ground drainage. Now if IVC had really influenced us, why didn’t we have any underground drainage till the idea was imported from Europe and executed only in the 19th century in India.
• Another point, though perhaps not a major one is that all the IVC sites are restricted to a few places in Pakistan, Punjab, Rajasthan and Gujarat. It wasn’t really a pan-Indian phenomenon.

Thus, on the historical count I am not so comfortable in including the IVC as a part of a 5000 years of unbroken civilization in India. So my friends, I am sorry, but I have just made us at least 1000 years younger.

Empirical: When we say with pride that we are a 5000 year old civilisation, what we are also saying that as far as membership to civilisations goes, the older the better. So it’s better to be 5000 years old than to be a mere 2000 year old. This pride also assumes that a 5000 year old civilisation is a good thing and is better than a civilisation which is 2000 years old. Now what is “better” ? I would say that a civilisation or culture is “better” if it has highly developed forms of art and literature, architecture, philosophy, technology, etc. But above and before all this, for a civilisation to be better, it must provide for its citizens a life without want or fear, with justice and equity, and with opportunity. Now let’s take a look around and see how India is doing on this score as a 5000 year old civilisation

• In our country we routinely kill people in the name of religion, caste, community, political affiliation and for a hundred other things. You name anything and we kill people for it. The State blatantly sponsors the killing of innocent citizens as happened in Delhi and in Gujarat.
• We allow, through our inaction and complacence at all levels, people to die of hunger, disease and accidents. This in a country which now has its citizens swamping the Forbes Top 20 billionaires list !!
• For a 1000 or more years , we have kept 65 percent of our people deprived of education and participation in the mainstream. These are the people in the Scheduled Castes, Tribes and Other Backward Classes.
• We consistently elect political leaders about whom the less said , the better. We recently (in 2008) had the sad case from Bangalore of a young man who committed suicide because his vehicle met with an accident with the vehicle of a political leader , and the young man felt so terrorized that he saw suicide as the only way out.

In many ways , I can say that India is a place where human life is not valued at all. Surely a civilisation that does not value human life cannot claim a 5000 year heritage with any pride whatsoever.

Have you ever been conned ?

Have you ever been conned ?
This happened on a weekend somewhere in the year 2002. My wife and I had gone to Shoppers Stop one evening. It used to be then in its old location on Magarath Road. As is usual, parking space was difficult in Bangalore and I followed my rule of “park in the first available slot even if it means walking half a kilometer.” Once parked, we were walking towards the store, when a man stopped me. From his appearance and demeanour, it was obvious that he was asking for some kind of help. He spoke Kannada, a language that I do not understand. (Kannada goth illa, saar). He looked about 40, balding, malnourished and wearing a shirt and trouser which were frayed at the edges. Rubber slippers nearly falling apart. Over his shoulder he had a jhola bag. His eyes were watery as he spoke to me, and his voice was almost cracking with helplessness. Since my wife knows Kannada well, she stepped into the conversation. Well this guy’s story was that he was going from Hoskote to Whitefield and did not have enough money to take a bus. It seemed a little odd that he should be at Shoppers Stop, since it was neither on the way nor near a major bus junction. In any case he wanted 20 rupees. My wife told me that I should give him the money. To his luck, the smallest note I had in my wallet was 50 rupees, so that’s what I gave him. He thanked us and went on his way. Moving on, my wife and I briefly discussed the rather unusual place (Magrath Road) this man had come for his journey between Hoskote and Whitefield and then forgot all about him.

That is, I forgot about him till about four months later. I was driving and was at the corner of Manipal Centre road where it meets MG Road. I had slowed down to take the turn and who should I see on the pavement but the same man! He was similarly dressed, complete with the jhola and he was in conversation with a young couple, no doubt telling them about his aborted journey. I think I even saw the young man reach for his wallet.

For a moment I thought of stopping and asking the trickster to refund my 50 rupees, but I did not, and drove on. I had no intention of taking him to task, or exposing him to the young couple. Just to get my own money back.

At home I told my wife about this and we had a good laugh. I must say I still admire the man’s acting ability. His act was so damned convincing! But more than that, I thank him for giving me an enriching experience, which makes for good conversation. I must have spoken of this incident to so many people. Not a bad return on 50 rupees !

Just do it ? Free will or Destiny. Part I

Just do it ? Free will or Destiny. Part I
Be warned , this is a long one !

Some years back, General Electric had a career guidance booklet. It carried the title “Control your destiny or someone else will.” This phrase was attributed to the super-manager Jack Welch, the guy who REALLY controlled everyone’s destiny at GE.. but that’s another story.

In this post, I intend to show how collective beliefs can shape the destiny of a people and a nation (Part I), and why personal beliefs must be changed for collective beliefs to change (pat II).

Now this “Control your destiny or someone else will” is one end of the spectrum in an ongoing debate on what governs human affairs , free will or destiny. Aptly it comes from the USA. At the other end is the oft heard in India “Sab upar waale ke’ haath mein hai/ Sab theek ho jaayega” in Hindi and no doubt in most other languages of our wonderful land.

To elaborate, the debate is between the forces of Destiny and the choices of Freewill and which of these two defines our lives. At one end of the spectrum there are those who believe that an individual can achieve anything if she / he makes the effort and at the other end of the spectrum are those who believe that everything is pre-ordained or “destined”. And there are of course those in between. In some ways this debate is similar to the one about whether god exists.

India and most Indians have traditionally believed in destiny/ fate. Our Hindu religious books and leaders (past and present) are explicit about destiny. Very little importance is placed on the role of effort and action. The doctrine of karma states that our orbits in this life are limited by actions in past lives, and that the only worthwhile rewards are to be obtained in the afterlife (swarga/ moksha). And the highest level of action is “tapasya”, “tyaag” or “sanyas” , that is withdrawal from life. Historically, we have honoured and revered not so much the ones who achieved, but those who withdrew. With the exception of Swami Vivekanand I am not aware of any major Hindu religious leader or philosopher who has laid stress on doing and achieving.

What this meant for most of the last 1000 years or more, is that our collective will has been indoctrinated to “withdraw” rather than achieve. This was eminently suited to the various powers that ruled us, whether they were Hindu kings, Arab-Turks, Mughals or the British. Some scholars even suggest that this belief was encouraged and supported by the ruling class, because a people who have been taught to withdraw are not likely to demand a better life… being poor and dying of epidemics or hunger was after all a faster way to moksha! In fact it took leaders of the caliber of the Mahatma and several of his contemporaries to wake us up from this passive approach and demand independence from the British.

Even after independence, things did not change rapidly. India struggled along as a subsistence economy (an euphemism is Developing Country) for many years. In fact a new phrase was coined in Economics: the Hindu Rate of growth !! Implying a GDP growth rate of 3 to 4 percent which is what India did till the seventies.

It is only in the last 20 years or so, that prosperity, a better life and better living condition have caught the imagination of India at every level. This is due, in no small measure, to our interactions with the Western world and its “riches’ through the channel of books/ magazines, satellite TV, movies and NRI’s. India has suddenly realized that it is better to live in at least some comfort here than be in perpetual misery for a swarga in afterlife. We are at last publicly celebrating achievement and wealth. And a GDP growth rate of less than 8 percent is a nightmare for everyone. So we now have a new sensibility, a new belief a new hope. And this has given us  new malls (yes chithra, I DID read ur post !!), new roads and new lifestyles.

…… to be continued

Freewill or Destiny >> Part II

Freewill or Destiny >> Part II
In Part I of this post, I had tried to put in perspective our religious and cultural background on the subject of destiny In this part I will bring out the importance of action and effort.

I am believer in free-will. When someone dies in an accident or illness due to lack of medical care, or a natural disaster, it is not because it was due to “uparwala” (god/ destiny) but because those of us here (neechewala’s) refused to act.

Let me illustrate this with a few examples:

• When India became independent, the average longevity was 45 to 47 years. Now, 60 years later, it is 65 years. By any standards, this is a remarkable achievement. And how did this happen? Not by an act of god, but by the efforts of some dedicated leaders and men. India invested in better health care, nutrition, hygiene, vaccinations and so on. By no means is the job over, but the longevity HAS risen by nearly 50 percent. So what our preceding generations put down due to “uparwala” was actually due to the neglect of the “neechewalas”.. the Brits and the most of the Indian Royalty…

• Then again, the east coast of India (specially the Andhra Pradesh coast) is prone to cyclonic storms. Till the 70’s every alternate year, sometimes every year, there would be 1000’s of deaths in that area, and we would read about it in the newspapers. Many thousands more would be left homeless. To the immediate relatives of the victims and those who lived in surrounding areas, this was again “uparwala” at work. But then suddenly someone put him out of business, at least on the east coast of India. The government installed a coastal cyclone warning system. So when a cyclone is forecast, people are warned and they move to safer places. We still have occasional deaths, but the numbers are typically less than a 100 in any year. Unfortunately, “uparwala” is till in business in Bangladesh, because they don’t have a cyclone warning system.

There are still the tsunamis and the earthquakes which are unpredictable and cause large scale death and destruction. I guess it’s a matter of time till we learn to deal with that.

Look around you , and you will find that most of the tragedies  are the result of inaction at  various levels, and not because of the unknown forces of destiny. Life at the day-to-day level is governed by cause-and-effect and effort-and-result rather than the randomness of fate.

So what is the moral of the story ? The moral of the story is that in India , to progress, we should elect sensible people and parties to represent us, and we should demand more from our elected representatives at all levels. That is the way we will be masters of our own destiny. We should believe in the power of action, rather than leave things to destiny.

Pressing to impress- the Iron in my soul.

Pressing to impress- the Iron in my soul.

This post has been partly inspired by a line in one of PG Wodehouse’s Bertie Wooster novels. One of Bertie’s friends is wooing a woman, and Wodehouse says “it was difficult for him to iron his trousers even as he was pressing his suit.”

I like to wear my trousers (even denim jeans) neatly ironed. Neatly meaning, that there should be no wrinkles AND the crease should be sharp, forward looking and firm. And for perfection, there should be just one crease. Not even the hint of a second one. Prima facie this should not be a problem and in fact was NOT problem till a combination of 3 separate and important global events happened in the last few years. Just goes to show, in a manner of speaking, how a single sneeze in Bangalore’s Murugesh pallya can trigger global warming. Read on…

The first was the coming of the current fashion of “flat front” in pants. Now many men who dare to wear flat-fronts, have their own fronts about as flat as a well inflated football. Since I DO have a flat tummy (or no tummy) , the flat-fronts trend suits me to a T(rouser), and I am quite grateful to the blokes who brought in this trend. But this has not been an unmixed blessing. For some reason, known only to the same fashion designer blokes and trouser manufacturers, flat fronts are sold without a factory-ironed crease. Not only are they flat at the waist, they are flat (i e without an ironed crease) all the way down. This I don’t like, and so when I buy a new trouser I make sure I get a crease ironed in ASAP.

Had the matter ended there, life would have been happy and wrinkle-free. But no, it was not to be. I soon found that most flat-fronts cannot ever be properly ironed with a regular front crease. If you try to match the seams at the trouser cuff and put in a crease, there will be ugly wrinkles at the hip. If you make the hip wrinkle-less, the seams at the cuff will be poles apart and u get a crease that’s looking sideways as if in suspicion. While battling with this major problem of modern day living I was lucky enough to bump into someone from the garment industry. I asked him why it was so difficult to put in a proper crease in readymade flat fronts when in the olden ages of pleated pants and neighbourhood darzi’s it was all so simple. The neighborhood darzi’s trousers never once presented this problem to humanity. He looked furtively around and made sure no one could overhear what he was now going to tell me. Then in a whisper and a smile reserved only for fellow conspirators, he let the cat out of the bag. I quote him. One of the major challenges in garment manufacturing has always been to use a 2 dimensional material (fabric) and turn it into an article that will be used to cover a 3 dimensional object (people). In modern design, we work out this solution using computer aided engineering. The result is a flat front that fits perfectly when worn , but isn’t easy to iron. This also , in addition, optimizes fabric use. And then , with a wink , he added. This is also the reason why designers prefer female models who are nearly 2 dimensional. Its easier for the computer to find the solutions when the surfaces involved are flat !

Wellllll… I was speechless…..and of course crease-less as well.

And , now the third global event. Only in this case it is a person. Its Venky the laundry-wala . Like his many fellow tradesmen in Bangalore and other Indian large cities, he inhabits the basement / car park of the apartment block that I live in. He works hard all day and parties harder starting early evening. His wife in fact works harder and doesn’t party. (laundry-wala’s are always hard “pressed’” for time !! ) . Not for him the trivial problems of a crease in a flat front trouser. He picks up the thing with all the care of a blacksmith, lays it flat as fast as he can, and then with a resigned spiritual serenity slides his 10 kilo coal-burning iron over it . And if the seams don’t match at the cuff or the creases in the two legs look as if they have had a major disagreement , so be it. A single pass is all that your Gap or Colour Plus pants merit from Aruna, and no worry if the crease he has just made, has been newly created to keep company with the three already created previously by him. He could not have been less than an Arjun in a previous life. So I now have several flat front trousers that have multiple and squabbling creases. (The “iron” has entered my soul. I think I will strangle Venky this weekend).Or perhaps, 'press' his throat) 

So that’s it. There is no punch line. But I am reminded of a line that my older brother used to say when I was in my teens. For heavy dates I used to carefully iron my own trousers. (Heavy date meant watching more than one girl from a distance of less than 50 feet. Please note the words in bold.) My brother would say “Press, press no impress !!” . Well , to give the devil his dude, he was always more successful than me. He got nearer than 25 feet several times. And once he ACTUALLY talked to 2 girls.

Please excuse me, now. I now have pressing matters at hand. Venky has just brought in a mangled flat front and I have no choice but to put in a new crease myself.

In all probability …

In all probability …

Probability (or Px as mathematicians call it) is a much heard of but little understood mathematical concept. People often say..there is a good chance that this train ticket will get confirmed… or in all likelihood that Congress will get a majority in Karnataka . Now when you start putting a number on “good chance” or “all likelihood” , you have Px. So u can say there is a 70 percent chance that the ticket will get confirmed or there is a 80 percent chance that Congress will get majority (fat chance !!)

In more serious mathematics , Px is expressed as a number between 0 and 1. So if the likelihood of an event NOT happening is ZERO, we say Px= 0 and if it is certain to happen then we say Px= 1. Now here is where maths departs from day to day experience. What maths says is that there is NO event yet to happen where Px= 1. So for anything that has NOT YET happened , there is ALWAYS a chance, however small that it will not happen.

How about the event “The sun will rise tomorrow” ? Is it not certain to happen? Well , mathematicians say , yes it is MOST likely to happen, but NOT CERTAIN to happen. Px is very close to 1 (say 0.9999999999 and on) but less than 1. Here is how to understand this

· Let us say the earth has a life of 6 billion years. On the last day of earths life , there will be no sunrise on the next day (there will in fact be no next day).
· There is also a possibility that the Earth may be completely blown up and cease to exist even tonight as a result of some unknown cosmic catastrophe.

But cosmic events are not the only things that involve Px. Everyday life has many examples. Casino’s use it extensively. It’s also used in the design (how many) of service counters to provide at a railway station, or in a supermarket or in deciding insurance premiums. Here is a very interesting example.

When a borewell is drilled for water, it sometimes ends up dry. So the money is literally down the drain. Now with this risk how can farmers dig wells in rural areas ? Insurance companies step in. From previous data on wells in a particular area, they estimate the probability of a dry well (say 5 out of every 100). Then they calculate a premium. So now the farmer can pay a small amount to overcome the risk. If the well is dry, the insurance company re-imburses expense to the farmer. If the well is not dry, the company keeps the insurance premium. Over hundreds of drillings they make a profit and the farmers’ risk is taken care of . Medical , accident and auto insurance all work on the same principle.

Nationality ; Indian. Caste : English Medium

Nationality ; Indian. Caste : English Medium


I have long felt that in India , the ability to speak and communicate in English is not just another skill; it is also the membership to a superior caste. And then I saw an article in a newspaper a few months back that confirmed my thinking. It said that a sociological survey in Mumbai found that the percentage of inter-caste marriages where both partners spoke English was three times that of inter-caste marriages where only one partner spoke English. So here is a ray of hope that the caste system is not as immutable as it previously was and can indeed be overcome.

As kids , one of the way we described students from many other schools was” HMT”… which was not an abbreviation for the HMT watches already a household name in the 60’s and 70’s. HMT stood for “Hindi Medium Types”, a kind of a dismissive description for children who went to schools that were not ‘English medium”. This was the beginning of a brand new modern post-independence caste, but we had yet to see its full might. In subsequent years we have all seen innumerable and sometimes funny matrimonial advertisements for “convent educated” brides, (sometimes “convented” is the word used) . So here the new caste was invading matrimonial boundaries. We also saw new schools claiming to be “100 percent English medium”. This is rather like the Gurukuls of the olden days where admission was reserved only for Brahmins.

And now the sociological study from Mumbai; to me it confirms that the “English Medium” caste has arrived and is firmly in place.

While, for an Indian, being able to communicate in English is undoubtedly of tremendously great advantage, I have a feeling its not a completely unmixed blessing. To my mind, the English speaking Indians need to be aware of the following:

• We should not be dismissive of those Indians who cannot speak English. This is one reason why the English speaking Indian middle class can never understand the power of leaders like Lalu Prasad Yadav , Mayawati or Karunanidhi. Remember that in India the number of people who speak English is still less than 200 million. The remaining 800 million plus Indians speak a language other than English.
• The dominance of world politics for the last 200 or so years, first by great Britain and now by the USA, has made our own views too anglo-centric and narrow. We think the French and Italians are funny, because the English and Americans have told us that they are funny. We need to step out of this blind-spot and absorb good ideas and wisdom from other cultures.

Endpiece: have you noticed that a fairly noticeable number of profiles on networking/ friendship sites place a premium on “command over English” as a desirable quality for potential friends/ mates . So I asked some of my friends: would you like to make friends with a very nice man ..educated, good-looking, courteous, but one who did not know any English ? The answers varied from long hmmms and haws to a clear NO !! 

Lord Rama and Krishna would have remained friendless in this world ! 

The Caste system extended

The Caste system extended

Several years back in Chicago I met an engineer working for an American MNC. He had recently immigrated to USA from Poland. During conversation he mentioned the Indian caste system. I told him I was surprised he knew of it. He explained that it was a part of their social studies text in school. It was one of the only two specific things he knew about India. The other was the Taj Mahal. In retrospect, I should not have been surprised at all. The Indian (or Hindu) caste system is a uniquely Indian tragedy, and considering the size of the Indian population it is a huge tragedy. It is unique and large enough to have found its way into a textbook in Poland.

Now as if our historical sins were not enough, we often extend this caste system to other spheres of life. I will cite some examples from working life.

• In India, nursing is regarded as a very low end profession. The social distance between a doctor and a nurse is huge, and a nurse can rarely break out of this “caste” and be accepted a social equal to doctors. In fact a few months back, following a controversy in the salary fixed by the Pay-commission for doctors and nurses in the Armed forces , some top brass of the Army made a rather stupid statement. In effect in order to defend a higher salary for army doctors, he insulted the army nurses. See the link below for more details (copy and paste to your browser window)

http://www.outlookindia.com/rantsmag.asp?fodname=20081027&fname=Army+chiefs+letters+(F)&sid=1

• The same “class” distinction applies in the areas of technical professions. After school (10+2) one can get into an engineering college and get a B Tech/ B E degree in 4 years. Or after 10th standard one can get into a polytechnic and get a Diploma in engineering in 3 years. Now these diploma holders, no matter how hard they work and how smart they are, forever remain second class citizens. The Indian work environment will RARELY lets them forget their origins.
• And here is one many of you will identify with. You are in an elevator that is going up (or down). It stops at a floor that is not your destination. The door opens and you see one or more housekeeping staff wanting to get in. Chances are they won’t get in and wait for the next one. There is no policy that housekeeping staff should not enter the elevator when regular employees are inside, but dig deeper and you will find that someone (usually their supervisor) has told them that that is what is expected of them.
• Once in a while we hear that so-and-so working in USA/ Australia rose from an office secretary’s position to the Chief Executive. But we never hear this in India. In fact we never hear this even from UK , because the UK has it own very strong “class’ system.

As the caste system has been around for 2000 years in India, none of this is surprising. Old habits die hard, and ancient ones even harder. Only in the last 20 years or so, have wee seen any kind of serious assault, by the government on the caste system. But this has been mostly limited to reservations in jobs and education. It has also generated a certain amount of ill-will among many upper-caste hindus. I think there is also a need for a communications campaign.

Why Personal Computer sales are going up

Why Personal Computer sales are going up
reproduced below  is the sales pitch of a computer salesman in Delhi
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

madamji.... the mamry of this machine is very big

so if u buy this ji.. you will be gatting a huge mamry

and madamji.. your mamry will be made of pure silicon

it will never be down ...full 100 percent upfront parformance ki granti hai madam

and the best part is, we will give full sport to ur mamry and other parts

so madam..which mamry shall i fit to you ?

madamji... we have many sizes 38C , is the most paapular

but if your hubby-ji is also liking to have big mamry than you shd take 40DD

And never the twain shall meet

And never the twain shall meet

The east is east and west is west , and never the twain shall meet. ..So said Rudyard Kipling. The subtext to this in the modern times is that we in India see the West as cold and impersonal and we see the East/ourselves as warm and hospitable. Perhaps…

I had been thinking about this in the last couple of months , but what got me writing today is the headline in the day’s newspaper. An Indian working in Saudi Arabia smuggled himself on an Air India flight to India. His passport (as is usual in the middle east countries) had been kept “in custody” by his employer/ agent and the poor guy had to resort to this rather unusual method to return home, from what one can only guess , must have been very difficult working conditions. The usual noises are being made about lax security and denials and counter charges are being made by Air India and Security Agencies. The man himself has been handed over to the Airport Security Agency.

The east I want to write about is the Middle East. The “Gulf Countries” seem to have a rather large appetite for expat workers. Quantity surveyors, drivers, maids, masons, carpenters all seem to be needed. The locals either do not have the skills, or the pace of growth requires import of labour or they are just plain lazy and have the (oil) money to indulge their laziness. So, many Indians head there, as do Philippinos, Egyptians and others, to make if not their fortunes at least a decent living. Now, one can work a lifetime in these countries but one can never be a citizen, or anything even remotely close to a citizen. The expat worker is always at the mercy of his agent/ employer and has no form of legal protection.

Contrast this with Canada (or USA). Canada has an ageing white population. And they have a life expectancy of 80 plus years. To meet its workforce needs, Canada has been admitting immigrants for a long time. People come from China, Korea, Morocco, Mexico, Lebanon, Algeria, Pakistan , India and Viet Nam to name a few countries. After 5 years of stay they get a “Permanent Resident” status. There are numerous NGO’s that help immigrants on legal and discrimination issues. After another 5 years they get a full citizenship on par with any other white citizen. My figures on the years maybe slightly wrong, but the important point is, that unlike the Gulf countries, Canada treats immigrants with respect and makes them their own.

Nothing prevents Canada from accepting workers in the Gulf Countries model. There will always be enough people from the developing world to provide the required labour. There is some amount of antagonism and discrimination towards immigrants, but they do not follow the Gulf Countries model.

So now , do we still believe in (middle) Eastern hospitality ?

Dubbulroti and The Pop-up toaster
 
I must have had my first exposure to the pop-up toaster when I was 7 or 8 years old. In some comic book, possibly Archies. I had seen a few toasters , but a pop-up toaster was like science fiction. I distinctly remember being fascinated by the concept. One wouldn’t have to stand around the toaster for fear that the toast might get burnt and one wouldn’t have to periodically open the toaster to see if the toast was properly done. So one could keep on reading comics, or just stand around whistling smartly and carefree, while this marvel of technology silently went about its work.. and voila.. the perfect brown toasts would pop-out. Of course pop-up toasters were not available then in India, so it was really like science–fiction anyway.

As life unfolded, for no particular reason, I never actually used a pop-up toaster for a long, long (and long) time. So by the time I actually did get around to using one, the fascination had faded. But I could still recall the first exposure, and in fact can still recall it with a feel of joy. Now, as we know, pop-up toasters use a bimetallic strip in the circuit. It changes shape when heated and that can be made to turn the toaster off at a desired temperature or after a desired time interval. At the same time , a spring loaded thingy “pops-up” the toast.

But using a pop-up toaster in India has its own learning opportunities. The voltage fluctuates from day to day and from hour to hour. So the “perfect golden brown” setting of yesterday will produce an under-tanned European today . You ratchet up the setting. And the next day it comes out all smoking and looking like a sunburnt Nigerian. Then again, the pop-up action is so vigorous that the toast fairly leaps out of the toaster…sort of challenging Sergie Bubka to a new pole-vault record. Which is not to say that I don’t get perfect toast now and then.

And so what is Dubbulroti ? Well when we were kids, that’s how we knew bread. Double (from English) and Roti (from Hindi). Of course we never knew that Dubbul was Double. In the small (or even tiny) town that I grew up in the sixties, there was just one bakery. And bread was not sold in grocery (or “provision” shops). The bakery guy had this huge tin-trunk mounted on his bicycle and would make the rounds of residential areas, shouting out his wares. He also carried butter in the same box. I wonder if anyone else has a similar re-collection.

No Smiles Please we are Indian

No Smiles Please we are Indian

The heading is derived from a book called No Sex Please we are Indians ..it created a flutter in the media in the 90 s.. but that s all the similarity there is.

Many years back, when I first started working I had occasions to visit Bombay and Bombay hotels and building had lifts/ elevators. To my surprise and amusement , I noted that if one entered a lift which already had some westerners, they smiled at the new entrants (thus I simultaneously increased my knowledge, while becoming upwardly mobile) . At first their smiles caught me so off-guard that I looked blankly at them and maintained an I-did-not-notice-that look. Those people must have wondered if they had body odour ! But after repeated such incidents and on comparing notes with others I found that it was a Eurpoean custom which meant to convey I acknowledge your presence as a human being and an equal .

Well , the not-so-slow learner that I am.. not only did I start reciprocating with a smile., I even went to the extent of initiating one ! Truly braveheart stuff.

But, I noticed that Indians in India (unless long time NRI s) rarely smiled at each other in lifts, me included. We get in, we make sure we look impassive and hold our breaths till its time to get out.

Later when I traveled to phoren I noticed that it was not only in lifts, but on numerous occasions that people, complete strangers, smiled at each other. In offices, for instance, they would smile and wish you a good morning or evening etc. This is especially true for Europe.

So now I have a split upwardly-mobile personality. Euope Smile. India No Smile.

But but but.. even in Europe when two Indians come across each other in a lift they will NOT smile !!

I have always wondered why we behave differently. Not that we should ape everything that Europeans do, but there are certainly good things we can learn. I have also come across articles explaining similar Indian behaviour (large population/ crowding, large number of poor people ,and an acknowledgement may encourage them to ask for a favour.. something like we never make eye-contact with beggars on the street in India)

Chou Chou bath and mallnutrition

Chou Chou bath and mall-nutrition

Anyone who has been in Bangalore (or any south indian city) for a year or more must have heard of Chou Chou Bath. For people who don’t know what this is, (and its not a massage parlour run by Chinese twins) , its lightly spiced rice cooked with a vegetable which is called chou chou. Its also used to refer to a mish-mash situation ..like khichri in hindi. (see footnote)

For many years I have wondered about how this name chou chou came about, for it is clearly not a name of Indian origin. And recently the clouds lifted and the sun shone through. Chou it appears is the French name for this vegetable.. and its appropriately pronounced in French as “shoe” … see the picture .. so that’s Chou Chou bath decoded. !!


We always hear of the affluent Americans and Europeans going skiing or sailing or scuba diving or trekking, riding ..etc. What is generically referred to as “living life to the full” . Now I think its absolutely stupid to do that.. more like “ living the life of a fool” . Why spend time and money, risk life and limb, insect bites, cut and bruises, when in India we have found such a wonderful solution for it. We go to malls.. they are safe places generally. No insects, no fear of drowning, centrally located, and centrally air-conditioned, coffee, snacks available. and most of the time you get parking space too. You can surround yourself with things and people of beauty, breathe in the fragrance at the perfume counters.., window shop. I call this mall-nutrition 

Foot-note: I stand corrected. Chou Chou bath  (the Bath means rice) as served now is Upma and Kesari Bath (sooji halwa )served in the same plate.

Greek and Latin in English (journalism)

Greek and Latin in English (journalism)

Have you ever had the desire to subtly proclaim to the world that you are a well –read person?

Is there a way other than the rather un-sophisticated “this-is-a-list-of-books-I-have-read” (as I have done in a blog elsewhere)? Yes there is. And it is not only more sophisticated by an order of magnitude, it also establishes beyond doubt your pedigree as a mandarin of the highest rank.

All you have to do is sprinkle a bit of Greek or Roman mythology in what you write. Some of our most respected journalists have been doing it for ages. A mention of Sisyphus will immediately raise your stature considerably among those who have heard of Sisyphus, and even more among those who have not. And if Sisyphus is too difficult even Icarus will do.

Want to do even better? Pop in a Prometheus or a Cassandra or a Pandora!! This will establish your long and enduring connection with Oxford/ Cambridge even if the only connection you had is the picture post-card that your uncle sent when he was on a package tour of UK.

Now I love mythologies from all countries. Each has some very interesting stories. Greek and Roman mythologies are almost the same (perhaps one derives from the other) and both share many similarities with Indian mythology. But I have yet to reach the exalted level where I can carelessly fling in a Greek hero in my writing.

Note:

In Greek mythology Sisyphus was a king punished by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this...

Icarus was the man who made wings using wax to glue bird-feathers, but flew too high and the Sun rays melted the wax.

Kursi Ki Peti..

Kursi Ki Peti..

I am sure a lot of us are familiar with this “Yaatriyon se’ nivedan hai ki kursi ki peti bandh le…..” It has been popularized (and immortalized) by Indian Airlines since the 1970’s or maybe earlier. Now there are a couple of things about it that made me write this piece.

Kursi ki peti is a very bad and cumbersome/ inelegant phrase in Hindi. It might have been alright in the 50’s and 60’s to have a nationalist fervour for such phrases (Hindi , I think, still the national language in the Constitution), but times have changed. After all the Railways are called rail even in Hindi and television is called TV or televison. In fact there are hundreds of English words ,commonly used right across the hindi heartland, that never ever had a Hindi equivalent. One example is Lottery. These words have been absorbed in Hindi and people from all walks of life use them without a problem. It does not diminish the stature of Hindi to have absorbed these words. In fact, one of the reasons English has the largest number of words of all languages,  is that it has accepted words from languages across the world. So why this fixation with Kursi Ki peti ? I am sure one hundred percent of Indian air travelers would understand “seat belt” better than kursi ki peti !

Unfortunately it has remained. And what is worse is that even though many new airline companies have started operations, they all use, (copying from Indian Airlines I guess) , kursi ki peti !!

The second part is , the Hindi announcements on most flights are very badly done. I have rarely come across properly spoken hindi. The pronunciation is that of someone who has not learnt to speak Hindi correctly. Most of the time it sounds like a foreigner trying to speak hindi…or like Katrina Kaif to use a more glamorous example.

Veg or Non-Veg

Veg or Non-Veg

This is another phrase which has been contributed to the English language (as spoken in India) by Indian Airlines. Who can forget the bored air-hostesses of Indian Airlines as they handed out veg/non-veg packets to you ? I always stuck with Non-veg for breakfast and Veg for meals.

Now here are some interesting things about non-vegetarian, shortened to non-veg, and often abbreviated further to NV.

Non-vegetarian is not a word to be found in a standard English dictionary. So while it is widely used in India by Indians, the guys who define “official” English have yet to take note of it. It does not appear in the online versions of Oxford and Chambers dictionaries, nor in the Freeonline dictionary. What official English does have is Vegetarian.

Then again, the  Indian concept of a non-vegetarian is very different from then Western one, in qualitative as well as quantitative terms. Here a non-vegetarian is someone who eats ANY flesh, including fish and fowl. A vegetarian, accordingly is someone who does not eat ANY flesh. This can lead to some funny situations. I have known Indians who when traveling abroad said they were vegetarians and have then been offered fish or chicken as an alternative to beef and pork. Then again there is the issue of quantity. In India if you eat two pieces of chicken in a week , you are non-veg and do you think that’s going to help in Europe where they eat a quarter kilo of meat every day !!

It is widely believed abroad and to an extent in India, that most Indians are vegetarians. This is not at all true. About 65 % of Indians are actually non-veg.. again non-veg being defined in the Indian way. If that looks too high a figure, here is some simple maths. In India 14% of the population is Muslim and 1 % Christian and 3 percent Sikh. All three communities are mostly non-veg. Among Hindus, in the traditional caste system only Brahmins and Vaishyas are vegetarian. Together they constitute no more than 10 % of the Hindu population. So, contrary to popular belief, India is a not a vegetarian majority country. However, given our humongous population, even at 35 percent vegetarians, we have nearly 375 million people who are veg… this is higher than the population of USA, and nearly equal to all of Europe. There is no similarly large group of vegetarians anywhere else in the world.

So where does this Indians-are-vegetarians come from ? From the fact that most of the Indians who travel abroad are from the vegetarian communities. And so strange is this vegetarianism to foreigners, that some people have actually asked me, could people survive without eating meat … to which m answer has always been to cite the elephant.

Since the eating of flesh is linked to caste and hence to religion, it carries some peculiar Indian ideas. So, it’s a sin for a Brahmin to eat meat, but okay for a Kshatriya to do so. One man’s meat is another man’s poi-sin ! And to carry this non-veg as “sin” concept further, we label adult jokes as non-veg.

Phallic symbols.. by the roadside

Phallic symbols.. by the roadside

I am sure you have come across references to “phallic symbols” in western writings . These symbols were to be seen in “exotic” and little known tribes living in inaccessible jungles or on remote islands. And so I believed till one day… ,,

Till one day, I discovered that in India , one can see phallic symbols almost on any road or street, and what’s more is that they are worshipped. I am of course referring to the Shivalinga.. the iconic representation of Shiva. Now the word <Lingam> (from Sanskrit) means gender (as in grammar) as well as penis. And if you look closely at the Shivalinga, you will see a cup shaped base, from which the Lingam (an erect penis) emerges. This cup signifies the Yoni or vagina. The Shivalinga therefore represents the act of creation, and there is some discussion that it also represents the unified nature of male and female (Shiva is also referred to as Ardhanarishwara) .

In recent times, some Indian researchers have tried to “explain” that the Shivalinga is NOT a phallic symbol and they have offered laboured explanations, but I am not convinced. Other researchers have equally re-affirmed it as a phallic symbol, sometimes adding a philosophical/ spritiual flavour. I think some of them feel embarrassed by the fact that we have millions of these Lingams dotting the country and hence the negation or a spiritual twist.

I think, the Shivalinga is clearly a phallic symbol. In recent times, the shape has become a little abstract, having lost some of the resemblance to a penis, but a look at the oldest known Shivalinga in India, will dispel all doubts. It is considered to be from the 2nd Century AD and is installed a temple in Gudimallam near Renugunta in Andhra Pradesh. 

 Some years back when I shared this information about the Shivalinga representing sexual intercourse/ creation, with some friends, I was not surprised to know that many of them were not aware of it.

(The inspiration for this post was Mahashivaratri , 2011)

Gender bashing ! Old habits die hard

Gender bashing !
 
The bit about men being “interested only in one thing” is scientifically true. Anthropologists tell us that homo sapiens first appeared 5 to 7 million years ago. By contrast “modern civilized” man appeared less than 7000 years ago. So even if we now wear designer clothes and use iPads and Laptops, there is still a lot of “animal” nature in us. The demands of evolution were that procreation among homo sapiens (indeed any species) be strong on quantity and quality both. Males ensured the quantity part, by making available an (almost) limitless supply of sperm and sharing it liberally around with all available and sexually active / receptive females. Females supplied the quality by producing just one egg per month and selecting only the most able (or fit) male to procreate with. And once a pregnancy occurred, she was not available for one year. The human race would not have survived the 5 million years through evolution if these traits were not built into our DNA. 

Now, contemporary society is mainly monogamous, has laws to support monogamy and to that extent it is more suited to the evolutionary predisposition of women. But 5 million years of evolution cannot be suppressed by mere laws and men will continue with the instinct to “spread their seed”. The interesting thing to note is that men are not only continuously interested in sex, they are continuously interested in sex with multiple partners. It does not mean that there are no faithful/ one-woman men. But they are exceptions rather than the rule. And even among these one-woman men, for the larger part its lack of opportunity rather than choice.

State elections Feb_Mar 2012 >> I TOLD YOU SO !

State elections Feb_Mar 2012
I TOLD YOU SO !
The elections are over and the results are out. Also over is the analysis-orgy on news channels, the exit poll results and their live-analysis. One channel (CNN IBN ) was quite accurate in the predictions. Elections produce the same media frenzy in India as IPL or World Cup and seem to have just about a much impact. Entertainment and no more. Rarely does an elected government , whether BJP, Congrss, Akali Dal etc etc make a significant impact on development and governance. But more on that in some other place. It is the UP elections which interested me most.

UP has a population of 20 crores.. so ranked among national populations, it would be the 4 the largest after China , India and USA. It sends 80 plus MPs to Parliament. A state election in UP considerably influences the formation of the Central Government. Therefore the importance of UP elections should not be under estimated.

Here is what we heard after the results came out.

Digvijay Singh (Congress loose canon) took “full responsibility” and offered to resign. He would have continued his resignation offer had not Sonia Gandhi exonerated him by saying that the congress infrastructure in UP was weak. I understand Digvijay always carries on his person a dozen readymade resignation letters.

Rahul took “full responsibility” , but unfortunately did NOT offer to resign. I would have loved to see him offer a resignation and loved even more to see his resignation accepted. It is time for India to cast aside the Nehru-Gandhi family and for Rahul to get a shave.

Sonia Gandhi , like her son, did NOT offer to resign. My comments on her same as for Rahul. She blamed the infrastructure in UP. Now even 4th standard students in India know that Infrasructure is a huge problem.. for the last 20 years. For gods sake we even have tax rebate on infrastructure bonds . So why did she wake up only now ? Really,  I exhort her to resign and start a Pizza shop (Called Asli Italian Gandhi Pizza.. branches in Switzerland) and I promise to eat a pizza every year. From Pizzahut of course.

Unusually, this time the Congress did something which normally only BJP does after a defeat. They, the Congress, said would do introspection. Is this a foretaste of a likely Congres BJP alliance in the near future ?They will jointly introspect !


Mayawati true to form blamed everyone / everything (except her own party’s corruption, poor governance) for the losses, though she DID leave out the CIA and ISI this time. Her defeat, she said , was a direct result of the communalization of the elections by the BJP and Congress. This forced 70% of the muslims to vote fro BSP>

Which brings me to my main reason for writing this post. << I TOLD YOU (BJP) SO !! >> In an earlier post I had written that no party in India can afford to ignore the muslim voter. That’s something the BJP refuses to learn depending instead on the hindu-hormone theory. Well, its let them down for the fifth time.

Akhilesh Yadav was the big winner.. and interestingly he has not been saying much.

Overall, personally I am happy with the results. It is the beginning of the rule of second generation Backward class leaders. Things will change for the better. The dynasty has a real challenge on its hands in the coming years. It might even get wiped out. 

Amen to that !

Whats in a name ?

Whats in a name ?

Sometime back I was on a teleconference with an Indian colleague named Dipak at one end and a British colleague (Ian) and me at the other. Ian addressed Deepak as Di-pack.. like six-pack. At the end of the call, I told Ian the correct way to pronounce the name. Ian said that in that case why was the spelling not Deepuck instead of being Dipak ? I guess he had a point.

This is also the case with the English spelling of many Indian names. While , as Indians we correctly pronounce Indian names spelt in English, foreigners who don’t have an extensive knowledge of India , go by their own rules. There was a recent humorous case in the Cricket World Cup (which India won) where a British commentator kept on referring to Pandey as Pandi.

Consider Manmohan as a name. The instinctive British / US pronunciation would be say the first part as Man (as in man/ woman) the “mo” as in go, and “han” as in ban or tan. So a better spelling would probably be Munmohun.

Can anyone do a respelling for Venkata Subramanyam ?

By the way, the Hindi to English translation on google: for मनमोहन (Manmohan) the English translation came as PM !!!

My green is greener than yours I am a law abiding, tax paying eco-conscious Indian. I don’t jump traffic signals, indulge in robbery, murder or rioting, I pay my taxes, I don’t litter and so on. And at home and work I switch off electrical appliances/ lighting that are not needed, minimize the use of plastic packaging etc. but something happened recently that set me thinking about the behaviour of well-meaning citizens like me.

About 3 months ago, Supermarkets and stores in Bangalore started charging for carry-bags, between INR 2 and 5 depending on the size. Since they were earlier free , no one bothered to carry their own re-usable bags. But now suddenly I see about 50 percent shoppers carrying reusable bags (including me most of the time). What does this tell me about myself and others like me ? That we all need a little prodding to be better citizens ?

English language sub-titles

English language sub-titles
For some time now, some of the English movie channels in India have been showing Hollywood films with English sub-tittles. I find this absolutely great. In my reckoning, this innovation is right up there with online railway tickets booking and the pop-up toaster (about which I have written elsewhere) .

I mean consider this : before the sub-titles came along, I had to strain my brain so much just to understand the Texan drawl , the Yankee accent and assorted other American mumblings, that the limbic centers of the brain (responsible for visual excitement and pleasure) were so overloaded with trying to understand the mumblings, that watching the movie was about as exciting as attending an inflation-accounting class.

But all that misery is now a thing of the past. I can now follow the movie , even with the worst assembled cast of mumblers, without any problem. But of curse it is not an unmixed blessing. When I could not hear them I thought they were saying things with great wisdom and deep philosophy. It now turns out that most of the time they are saying something very similar to Hindi films.. like Main maa banane wali hoon, Sab theek ho jaayega and Kuttey kameeney main tera khoon pee jaaunga.

I am now waiting for someone to do English subtitles for Manmohan Singh’s rare appearances on TV. He is a mumbler, if there ever was one.

(If you have every wondered why Hollywood movies / actors’ dialogs are so inaudible, there are actually 2 reasons. First is the accent. It varies from what Indians are used to. Second and more important, in Hollywood movies , dialog is recorded live… they do not have post production dubbing like in Indian films. Obviously quality is not as good as studio recorded dialog.)

The M factor

The M factor

Some time back I bumped into this guy,let us call him Mr X, in the lobby of a hotel in Geneva. He was an NRI in the US and was in Geneva on a software project by WIPRO. He was a Kannadiga who had lived in Ahmedabad most of his life. After some time the talk veered to Muslims in India. He was of the firm opinion that most, if not all, of the ills in India could be linked to the M factor…as he preferred to call Indian Muslims, either in order to be politically correct or to ensure that anyone eavesdropping on us would not know what we were talking about. Of course the 2G scam had not then become public, nor the CWG or Swiss Accounts and Adarsh Housing (all of which involved mostly Hindus) or he would have found it difficult to substantiate his stand.

He was not only openly a bigot, he wanted us (me and another younger colleague) to share and participate in his bigotry. But then this is something which I have come across in many NRIs. They seem to have an impression, that “IF SOMETHING IS NOT DONE IMMEDIATELY” hamara Bharat would shortly become the Islamic Republic of Hindustan. He , as usual quoted the higher fertility of the Indian Muslims and the fear of being “SOON OUTNUMBERED”.

So in the lobby of that Geneva hotel Mr X thus exhorted my younger colleague “ You youngsters must DO something” .. what exactly , he did not specify but I have a good idea what he wanted. We listened to him patiently for a while, occasionally refuting his “logic”, but can u make ever straighten a dog’s tail ? After a while I grew impatient and let him have it straight between the eyes. I told him, if he was so concerned why was he sitting in the US and preaching us instead of coming back to India and fighting the battle? Also why was he working for WIPRO, an organization owned by an Indian Muslim? Well that was the end of our interactions. I never saw him again.

While X is probably still in the US and worrying himself sick on the M factor, what’s worrying for me is that I keep coming across many educated middle class/ professional people with the same ideas. Since, in India, saying anything against muslims (or other minorities) in public or private dialogue is politically incorrect , very few people actually do speak ill. So my guess is that the number of people who share Mr X’s views on the M factor is probably significant. And that is worrying.

Now the problem with the M Factor people is that while they blame the muslims for all the ills of India, they have no idea on how to solve the problem. Ask them and they twiddle their thumbs. The BJP , self proclaimed defenders of the hindu faith will repeatedly talk of “minority appeasement” and “pseudo secularism” , but ask them for a solution and they either go into a maun vrata or say something profound like “Muslims should convert to Hinduism”. As if a change in religion of Muslims will make the Indian economy sky-rocket. The latest joker to join the pack is Subramaniam Swamy who said something similarly asinine. And this comes from followers of Hinduism where “Vasudheva Kutiumbakam” is a tenet.

There was a recent TV debate on the Uttar Pradesh Govt giving job reservations to Muslims on the basis of economic criteria. The anchor mentioned that the highest levels of poverty were found among OBC and Muslims. Tarun Vijay, the BJP spokesman was one of the guests. He, predictably said, Muslims cannot be given reservations because in Islam there is no concept of caste. Hence only us (cruel) Hindus who have a caste system can feel righteously justified in giving reservations to Hindu SC/ ST/ OBC. If Mr Tarun had spent as much time on some facts as he does in oiling his hair, he would have come to know that most of the poor Muslims in India were poor OBC/ SC/ ST Hindus who converted from Hindusim to islam… and so great is the influence of the this 2000 year old system that they carried their castes into Islam. (The caste system still thrives among most Christian communities across the country. In Goa one can find Brahmin Christians not mingling with the non-Brahmin Christians) .

My advice to Mr Tarun , and other closet bigots, is to wake up, if not in the interest of the nation, at least in your own interest. The Muslim population in India is too large to be politically ignored and no party can hope to come to power by antagonizing the Muslims. Every time anyone in the Sangh Parivar makes such statements as Mr Tarun, they are shooting themselves in the foot. The BJP has already seen how Nitish Kumar, CM Bihar, kept Narendra Modi away in the last state election in Bihar. Also how Varun Gandhi’s stupidity cost the BJP. Only a moderate Vajpayi could lead the BJP to power. But alas.. kutte’ kid dum kaise’ seeedhi ki jaaye’ ?

So, Mr Tarun, if we see a benefit in bringing our Hindu SC/ ST/ OBC into the mainstream, we should undoubtedly see an even bigger benefit in seeing poor Muslims joining the mainstream. 

PS: This post was written several months back, prior to the UP elections . Subsequently the BJP fared very poorly in the UP state elections . Mayawati blamed it on the muslim vote getting polarised (away from her and in favour of SP/ Mulayam) because , according to her, the BJP hardline of Muslim reservations made the muslims feel insecure.

No poor In India’s malls ?

No poor In India’s malls ?
As a member of the IT community in India , I (like a million others) am forever striving to save a few million dollars for our (mainly western) clients. TO do this we often tweak processes and formulae to the 4th decimal place. It was while I was doing this some months back that I realized that educated India has banished the Indian poor to statistics.

There are often “heated” debates on TV and in parliament on what exactly is poor and how many people are below the poverty line in India. It suits the government of the day to put a low figure for a “survival” income. Some months back Montek Singh Ahluwalia drew a lot of flak when he suggested the threshold of poverty to be Rs 32 per per person per day in urban India and a lower figure of 26 for rural areas. Even with this appallingly low figure, the poor in India have been estimated to be 407 million. The opposition parties felt that the figure is too low.. meaning that the number of poor people is significantly higher. While estimates and opinions vary, I have not seen ANY source quoting a figure below 25%.. which in terms of current population means about 275 million ! Now that’s avry large number of people.. nearly equal to the population of the United States.

Interestingly, while we probably have the world’s largest population of the poor (China is a strong contender), they are rarely present in the public consciousness. There was a time (till the 70’s I think) when Indian film makers produced films involving the poor but none are produced now. Bollywood has (and why blame them) gone the “market forces” way. It would take exceptional creativity to make money out of a story on the poor.. and Bollywood is not high on creativity. And the middle class market is anyway large enough to buy escapist fare.. so why dirty your hands ?

And what is true of Bollywood is true or books, newspapers and TV… one rarely sees any coverage on poverty. Now here is the catch.. On the international scene , in the last few years there was 1 film (Slumdog Millionaire) and 1 book (Arvind Adiga’s White Tiger) which focused on the poor in India and were both successful and critically acclaimed.

Finally, an example closer home. Most Indian large cities have at least a coupe of malls. These are usually expensively-constructed, well-maintained and air-conditioned buildings. There is no entry fee. Yet have you ever seen any poor people there ?… although the mall may be a stones’ throw away from a slum ? It is as if the poor have given up on the rest of us and decided to stay away.

A 1000 year slumber

A 1000 year slumber
 
Ginger . Its been a depressing few months : scam after scam, social strife, political bungling.. the early morning newspaper has hardly brought any cheer. … so let me start with something that’s not so sad. Do you know that the English word Ginger (the cooking thing) has an Indian origin ? It is derived from the south Indian (tamil/ mallu) word Inji (The English name ginger comes from French: gingembre, Old English: gingifere, Medieval Latin: ginginer, Greek: zingiberis (ζιγγίβερις). Ultimately the origin is from Tamil:inji ver (இஞ்சி வேர்). The botanical term for root in Tamil is ver (வேர்), hence inji root or inji ver.[3]) from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ginger )

And this brings me to Zero, a major concept of humankind developed in India. Now while it is widely acknowledged that the Zero originated in India, what is NOT widely acknowledged is that so did the rest of the numbers. For some reason they are referred to as Arabic numerals. Now think for a moment. A culture that came up with Zero, would they not have come up much earlier with the other numerals ? In fact sometime back this set me thinking and I googled a bit. On the net I DID find mention that the Arabic numerals were indeed of Indian origin. So why are the called Arabic ? Because they were presented to the western world through the Arabs, much like Ginger. (ref http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arabic_numerals )

Now , having invented the zero, Indians went on to do a lot more.. ayurveda, mathematics, literature, philosophy, magnificient temples, astronomy… so many things which form our heritage today. Then curiously about a 1000 years back it all stopped.. In the last 1000 years India saw the building of forts and palaces and mosques, but hardly anything else. It is as if the Indian spirit of enquiry, quest for knowledge and discussion had died. In fact contact with foreigners was forbidden. Gandhi faced resistance when he had to travel to UK to study, because traveling overseas was considered taboo.

There are probably theories why this death of the spirit of enquiry came about. A probable theory could be that knowledge advances only in times of peace and from the 9th century onwards, Northwest India saw continuous invasions from Arabs, Afghans, Perisans and Turks. But can this full explain the death ? Even before the Islamic invasions, the Indian kings were fighting amongst themselves and through much of this time, the South remained free of Islamic invasions… I really have no answer , nor have I researched it. But what I do see is that we have yet to revive the spirit of enquiry. Of the half dozen or so Nobel prizes that Indians have won, only one was an Indian citizen and that too pre-indepenence.. Tagore. In Science, economics , peace and literature , “Indian” winners have been all NRI’s.

..to be continued

Quality tales

Quality tales

Have you ever wondered what this word Quality signifies ? The whole world wants a quality product .. but what IS quality ?

Let me start with an example. I used to have a junior colleague who did not understand quality. So I called him to my office. I took a tea cup and let it drop from about 3 feet to a concrete floor. As expected it broke. I then asked him what he thought about the quality of the cup.. and he said it was poor. I told him, no, it is not poor. . The quality is poor only if the cup is explicitly or implicitly expected to withstand a 3 foot fall to a concrete surface.

So whenever we speak of quality or good quality, an expectation is always available in the background, although in some cases it may not be explicit. In technical/ engineering language this expectation is called specifications , which may cover dimensions/ strength, durability, performance etc. In a technical situation, one can always be assured of good quality by comparing (or testing) the product with the specifications.

Logically speaking , specifications are drawn up by the user/ buyer of the product/ service , or at least ratified by the buyer/ user. But matters get complicated when there are no specifications or when specifications exist but are not known to the buyer. Consider 2 examples:

A. Soap/ Tea / Toothpaste: These are mass market products and the buyer is so diffused that the seller has to guess what the specification is. The seller may use market research etc, but the nature of the buyer-seller equation is such that while the seller may have specifications, they can never be ratified by the buyer. (There is very little difference between most bars of soap except the colour and fragrance. Sellers, in order to generate brand loyalty, try and create “perceived” differences through advertising. An interesting example is AXE deodorant , In their advertisements, and in many similar me-too brands, the basic function of the deodorant is never mentioned at all. Instead it s advertised as a woman-attractant ). So how does one define what is “good” quality in such cases ?

B. Automobiles. Again the buyer is very diffused. But the additional problem is that a lot of money is required to launch a new product. A miscalculation in customer tastes (or expectations ) can be disastrous and has happened dozen of times in the auto industry sometimes forcing companies to close down. I must ad that as the industry has matured, expectations on the more “tangible” stuff are well known: fuel economy, safety, emission control, etc

So, to sum up, quality is a measure of performance against expectations (of the buyer) and sometimes the seller (or even the buyer) may not know fully what the expectations are.

Any ideas how one could define the “quality” of a nuclear bomb ? most people killed per dollar ? and who would define it ? the people who drop the bomb or the people who die when it is dropped ?

What does the Marathi Mutalik have in common with then Bengali Sikdar or a Mukadam ?

What does the Marathi Mutalik have in common with then Bengali Sikdar or a Mukadam ?

Unlikely as it may seem, both are designations/ titles used in the administration during the Afghan/ Mughal era…something like our present day Governor/ Rajyapal , Commisioner of Police etc.

To fully undertand this : In the afghan/ mughal era the basic unit of administration was the village. Several villages made a pargana (district) and several parganas made a shiqq (a dvision) , and several shiqqs made a suba (state) .

So accordingly, the officers who worked in these areas were designated as Shiqqdaar and Subadar which in modern times are called Sikdar (from Bengal mainly) and Subedar. A more exhaustive list is:

A. Bakshi: Keeper of the royal/ military stables
B. Mutalik : Governor
C. Diwan/ Deewan : Finance Manager
D. Majumdaar : Accountant (now mostly seen in Bengal and sometimes in Gujarat
E. Sarkar: Head of a Shiqq / Division (Mughal). Main responsibility was revenue collection.
F. Sikdar: Head of a Shiqq/ Division (Afghan). Same as Sarkar.
G. Quanungo/ Kanungo: Incharge of land measurements/ land records. Also known as Amin in some places.
H. Munsif : Assisted the Quanungo
I. Fotadar : In charge of the treasury/ cash.
J. Kotwal: Head of city security. From “KOT”= city walls
K. Subadar/ Subedar : governor of a state.
L. Patwari ; Village record keeper
M. Fadnavis: yet to find out
N. Karkhanis: In charge of supplies and factories (karkhaana)
O. Muqaddam/ Mukadam: Village headman
P> Daftari: Clerk.

So there you are ! Some of the names have survived only in a few regions (like Sikdar is not seen outside Bengal) , but many are seen in many places (Bakshi, which I think in turn originated from then word Baksh ..to give as in Bakshish) . And some cut across Religions, regions and Caste.

Coming soon.. ELECTIONS !

Coming soon ELECTIONS !
Its that time of the year again. Elections !! Coming up in several states in the next few months and for the parliament in 2014. The newspapers/ magazines and TV channels are already working overtime churning out analysis and predictions. So why should I be left out. Here is my take on the 2014 parliament election.

We can look forward to another coalition government. The 3 possibilities are

• Congress let UPA
• BJP led NDA
• Third front..led by SP/ Mulayam Singh,

The million (or billion dollar scam) question of course is which one… I could make an anaylsis or a guess, but personally I wish it to be the BJP. Now I am no BJP-lover..quite the contrary in fact. My simple reason is that a change in government is good for India, and the NDA is best suited to replace the UPA. Also I am fed up (an understatement) with the Nehru-Gnadhi dynasty and the chamchagiri culture of Congress.

Here is what I think will be important in winning the elections:

• • Corruption is NOT an election issue. The BJP might stall parliament over it, but the bulk of voters are not interested. The Anna Hazare movement with all the initial media coverage and rallies, and even the government paying heed to it, was basically an urban middle-class thing. We are 110 crore people in India, barely 10 lac were involved.
• • Religion, Caste and community will continue to dominate voter choice for more than 80% of the electorate.
• • Smart pre-election alliances will win votes and seats. Unfortunately I do not see any serious effort in this direction by either the BJP or the Congress.
• • Clarity of leadership at the state level will help win seats. The BJP is ahead of the Congress in this.
• • Antagonising the Muslims can cost BJP dear…and this may probably be BJPs biggest hurdle, in the form of Narendra Modi.

Now the big issue within BJP is whether Narendra Modi can be the PM. Personally I think he is a dangerous man to have as PM. But even if by some divine intervention Modi were to become less fascist, his anti-Muslim image will not go away, and that means Nitish Kumar/ Bihar, Naveen Patnaik/ Odisha Chandra Babu Naidu/ AP, YSR Congress/ AP, Jayalalitha/ TN, Mamta Banerji/ WB (all are also potential 3rd front constituents) will not support BJP if Modi is projected as PM. The Akali Dal and Shiv Sena are the only parties which might find Modi acceptable. The communists of course will never join the BJP. So with Modi as the BJPs official PM candidate , the NDA will lose the race before it starts.

My message to the BJP… ditch Modi (and Hidnutva hardliners), get cracking with electoral alliances and send out a secular message. Mr Gadkari, are you listening ?

Us, Peace loving Indians

Us, Peace loving Indians

In May 1998 India carried out its 2nd Nuclear test in Pokhran. There were the usual diplomatic noises. USA suspended aid to India and so on. A few years later I was in Chicago. One of my business colleagues (an immigrant from Poland) said something interesting. He said, he would not have been surprised if China had done a nuclear test, but he always thought India was such a peace loving / pacifist country and was therefore very surprised when Pokhran 2 happened. Bill Clinton said something very similar. And this despite the fact that a nuclear weapons program was a part of the Vajpayi/ NDA election manifesto and hence public knowledge.

Then when Agni IV was recently launched, we saw similar responses from the western world. India was seen as “a responsible nation”, a label Pakistan has not been able to acquire.

Rightly or wrongly, India (and I suppose by extension Indians) have been historically seen as peace loving. It could be because after the 9th century AD, no Indian kingdom expanded beyond the sub-continental boundaries. Invaders from the west met with little resistance. The British ruled us for 150 plus years without major rebellion. Even earlier in the times of Ashoka the great, he formed his empire without major wars.

All these have helped give India a pacifist image. But the question is, are we really a peace loving people ? Consider for instance

• The massacre during partition in 1947
• The killing of Sikhs in Delhi after the assassination of Indira Gandhi
• The Godhra incident
• Assam violence over the last 25 years.
• Caste based violence and killings in UP/ Bihar in the 70s and 80’s
• Increasing murders for commercial gain and sex related crimes.

So what does this mean ? That as a nation we are peace loving but as a people we are not ? Or that while we are not aggressive towards other nations, we do not occasionally mind killing our own people.. that nationhood is not as strong as caste / religious feelings ?

Endpiece: Following the recent Assam violence there was panic among the North East people in Mumbai, Chennai and Bangalore. Politicians of all colours ( Manmohan Singh, Sushma Swaraj, Karnataka CM and Home Minister) made loud proclamations that NE people should not fear anything and that they were part of India. Sonia Gandhi is on record saying that action will be taken against the culprits.

Now something similar happened a few years back in Mumbai . Shiv Sena members publicly thrashed Biharis who had come for some Railway recruitment to Mumbai. The media showed video clippings of the incident. Curiously, I do not recall any major politician except Lalu Prasad Yadav making any statement in favour of the victims . Any answers ?